Dissociation Talk

Question:

I was doing internet research for a university psychology project that I currently working on, and happened to find this newsgroup.  My topic for my research project is dissociative fugue disorder, involving sudden or unexpected travel away from home accompanied by a new identity. I would greatly appreciate any help or direction you could offer me in my information search.  Thank you so much for your time and for contributing to the field of psychology that is working towards helping those that struggle daily with mental illness.  If you have information please send to my email address.                               Sincerely,                               Laura A. Hartman                               University of Virginia, IV

Response:

Hi, I’ve had fugue states since I was very young. It seemed like I would just wake up suddenly and be in school or at the mall or anywhere really. I’m in my 30s and have been diognosed as a multiple. I was sexually abused by my maternal grandmother and my father. I’d like to help you if I can. My email is I don’t want to use my real name so you can call me Ahnah Good luck

Response:

Question:

Hi Lynn, Although my experience wasn’t as severe as yours, I recently had a similar "loss of time" episode. It was during a particularly severe migraine (together with the usual visual disturbances, balance problems and vomiting). I can remember speaking on the phone to somebody that afternoon at about 17:00 and then the next thing I knew it was the next morning. My husband (who is used to me being slightly weird and "out of it" during my migraines) said that when he came home at 19:00 I was feeding the dog & cat and spoke to him quite coherently (although during a migraine I never talk much). All through the evening, I kept running to the bathroom to get sick. At about 22:00 I announced that I was going to try and sleep and would he please not disturb me. Oh, and the next morning when I looked on my computer I saw that I had answered email after 17:00 which was perfectly lucid as well!  I don’t remember any of it. As I didn’t have any other symptoms like slurred speech or behaving out of character, I didn’t even see my doctor about this. Just took it as "another migraine symptom". I was in such pain that night, that I thought this may be my body’s way of coping. As some of the others have mentioned, it’s a good idea to go and have this checked out, particularly as your episode lasted a lot longer and did affect your speech and behaviour. A migraine symptom which I have had checked out, is that sometimes when I have a migraine I also have these funny "blackouts".  This usually only happens when I have had a lot of migraines over a couple of weeks. But months can go by without this happening.  I don’t lose consciousness but I can’t move and I have these strange dream sequences which have no bearing on my life at all.  I know I have the same "dreams" over and over again, because when it starts it all feels very familiar.  The only way I can describe the whole thing is that it’s like my brain has a short circuit. This all lasts for a couple of minutes and after it’s over I can’t remember what it was I was thinking/dreaming about.  Once or twice I’ve tried writing my thoughts down – which is difficult because my motor skills are almost non-existent – but when I’m okay again I either can’t make out what I have written, or the words don’t mean anything to me.  It’s quite disorientating. Anybody else experience this kind of thing? Take care, Lisa. Knysna, South Africa

I remember going to bed Friday night, my next memory is sitting on my bed Sunday morning shocked when I opened the paper and it was Sunday.  I have no memory of Saturday at all.  Sunday I was going to my mom’s and was going to stop at a store on the way, I fell twice in the house (that I remember) and I can remember jumping curbs in the car. I came home.  I talked to several people that I don’t remember talking to all that expressed concern something was wrong with me – some wanted to come get me an take me to the hospital and all said I was talking slurred, and weird – don’t remember most of the conversations. I assured them all I was fine. Went to work Monday morning and everyone kept saying something was wrong with me.  I did not recoginize it at all.  I went home early and went to sleep.  My mother came by to check on me and could not wake me up.  She had to get someone to break in to my house.  I did not wake up until they broke the windows out of the house. My response was confused and almost trance like.  She took me to the hospital – by then I was more coherent.  They did a spinal tap and a CAT scan – both negative – Dr said it was a migraine and the worst was over?  Is it possible to have a migraine and not have a headache?  I have a history of headaches but rarely severe enough to be disable me.  Has anyone else ever experienced anything similar?  I don’t know whether to be concerned about a re-occurance or not.  The most scary thing is I was totally unaware how impaired I was.  The more people I talk to – that had contact with me on Sunday and Monday – the more I realize how clueless I was. Sorry this is so long, I would love to hear from someone that knows of similar experiences.

Response:

writes: Hi, Lynne, Just wanted to let you know that others have had this type of experience.  It’s much like a stroke (and may be a mini-stroke….is the term for that TIA?  Set me straight, those in the know.) It is frightening.  I hope you get reassuring answers from your doctor (s) about this. Lavon

I was thinking it sounded like a TIA (can’t remember what the initials stand for), and those are what are referred to as a mini-stroke.  My Grandfather has them all the time (mixed with regular strokes, so he is in real poor condition).  Before his big stroke, he had the TIAs, which he recovered from fine, but during them he would not know what was going on, sleep real heavy and have the slurred speech.   Becky

Response:

Holy cow girl!  I’d be scared too.  I agree with Lavonne that it sounds like a TIA.  Would that show up on a cat scan though? I thought that was how those were dxed.  You are in my thoughts, I hope this does not happen again.   Take care, Maria — Posted via Talkway – http://www.talkway.com Exchange ideas on practically anything ™.

Response:

Although I’ve never had an experience like that before, I can offer a bit of advice. Get to a doctor, preferably a neurologist.  You should find out exactly what is wrong with you. Good luck, and let us know what happens! *hugs* Ashleigh

Response:

; Holy cow girl!  I’d be scared too.  I agree with Lavonne that it sounds ; like a TIA.  Would that show up on a cat scan though? ; I thought that was how those were dxed.  You are in my thoughts, I hope ; this does not happen again.   ; Take care, ; Maria ; — ; Posted via Talkway – http://www.talkway.com ; Exchange ideas on practically anything ™. I don’t know if it would show up on a cat scan.  My hubby’s doc thought at one time he might have had a mini stroke and they did a MRI to look for it.  Luckily he didn’t.  Maybe you shoud ask your doc to do one just to be sure. Lea —  Lea Jackson, Montgomery, Alabama  http://www.mindspring.com/~ljackson/leahome.html

Response:

Hi, Lynne, Just wanted to let you know that others have had this type of experience.  It’s much like a stroke (and may be a mini-stroke….is the term for that TIA?  Set me straight, those in the know.) It is frightening.  I hope you get reassuring answers from your doctor (s) about this. Lavon

Response:

I remember going to bed Friday night, my next memory is sitting on my bed Sunday morning shocked when I opened the paper and it was Sunday.  I have no memory of Saturday at all.  Sunday I was going to my mom’s and was going to stop at a store on the way, I fell twice in the house (that I remember) and I can remember jumping curbs in the car. I came home.  I talked to several people that I don’t remember talking to all that expressed concern something was wrong with me – some wanted to come get me an take me to the hospital and all said I was talking slurred, and weird – don’t remember most of the conversations.  I assured them all I was fine. Went to work Monday morning and everyone kept saying something was wrong with me.  I did not recoginize it at all.  I went home early and went to sleep.  My mother came by to check on me and could not wake me up.  She had to get someone to break in to my house.  I did not wake up until they broke the windows out of the house. My response was confused and almost trance like.  She took me to the hospital – by then I was more coherent.  They did a spinal tap and a CAT scan – both negative – Dr said it was a migraine and the worst was over?  Is it possible to have a migraine and not have a headache?  I have a history of headaches but rarely severe enough to be disable me.  Has anyone else ever experienced anything similar?  I don’t know whether to be concerned about a re-occurance or not.  The most scary thing is I was totally unaware how impaired I was.  The more people I talk to – that had contact with me on Sunday and Monday – the more I realize how clueless I was. Sorry this is so long, I would love to hear from someone that knows of similar experiences.

Response:

A second opinion would be strongly in order! Frightening symptoms like these should be addressed seriously. Fugue states can result from migraines, as well as other medical problems. I wouldn’t give up until I had some serious medical attention.                 Sugar – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I remember going to bed Friday night, my next memory is sitting on my bed Sunday morning shocked when I opened the paper and it was Sunday.  I have no memory of Saturday at all.  Sunday I was going to my mom’s and was going to stop at a store on the way, I fell twice in the house (that I remember) and I can remember jumping curbs in the car. I came home.  I talked to several people that I don’t remember talking to all that expressed concern something was wrong with me – some wanted to come get me an take me to the hospital and all said I was talking slurred, and weird – don’t remember most of the conversations.  I assured them all I was fine. Went to work Monday morning and everyone kept saying something was wrong with me.  I did not recoginize it at all.  I went home early and went to sleep.  My mother came by to check on me and could not wake me up.  She had to get someone to break in to my house.  I did not wake up until they broke the windows out of the house. My response was confused and almost trance like.  She took me to the hospital – by then I was more coherent.  They did a spinal tap and a CAT scan – both negative – Dr said it was a migraine and the worst was over?  Is it possible to have a migraine and not have a headache?  I have a history of headaches but rarely severe enough to be disable me.  Has anyone else ever experienced anything similar?  I don’t know whether to be concerned about a re-occurance or not.  The most scary thing is I was totally unaware how impaired I was.  The more people I talk to – that had contact with me on Sunday and Monday – the more I realize how clueless I was. Sorry this is so long, I would love to hear from someone that knows of similar experiences.

– L

Response:

I remember going to bed Friday night, my next memory is sitting on my bed Sunday morning shocked when I opened the paper and it was Sunday.  I have no memory of Saturday at all.

Yikes, Lynn, how scary…. ok, I’m not a doctor, but that sounds more like a Transient Ischemic Attack (sort of a mini-stroke) to me than a migraine…. BEST thoughts… Dana

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I remember going to bed Friday night, my next memory is sitting on my bed Sunday morning shocked when I opened the paper and it was Sunday.  I have no memory of Saturday at all.  Sunday I was going to my mom’s and was going to stop at a store on the way, I fell twice in the house (that I remember) and I can remember jumping curbs in the car. I came home.  I talked to several people that I don’t remember talking to all that expressed concern something was wrong with me – some wanted to come get me an take me to the hospital and all said I was talking slurred, and weird – don’t remember most of the conversations.  I assured them all I was fine. Went to work Monday morning and everyone kept saying something was wrong with me.  I did not recoginize it at all.  I went home early and went to sleep.  My mother came by to check on me and could not wake me up.  She had to get someone to break in to my house.  I did not wake up until they broke the windows out of the house. My response was confused and almost trance like.  She took me to the hospital – by then I was more coherent.  They did a spinal tap and a CAT scan – both negative – Dr said it was a migraine and the worst was over?  Is it possible to have a migraine and not have a headache?  I have a history of headaches but rarely severe enough to be disable me.  Has anyone else ever experienced anything similar?  I don’t know whether to be concerned about a re-occurance or not.  The most scary thing is I was totally unaware how impaired I was.  The more people I talk to – that had contact with me on Sunday and Monday – the more I realize how clueless I was. Sorry this is so long, I would love to hear from someone that knows of similar experiences.

Hi Lynne, I’ve had TIA’s twice within the last two years and it certainly sounds like you had one too.  Please tell your doctor about this.  I was placed on a higher dose of Klonopin and Dilantin for that – anti-seizure meds. I wouldn’t be driving, if I were you.  After my first one, my doctor had to report it and my license was taken away for two years.  I only had a year to go (to get my license back) when I had another one this past May.  Lynne, you’re lucky that you didn’t suffer any paralysis or numbness to where you can’t use parts of your body.  For a while I couldn’t use my arms or hands, and had trouble walking.  And, my speech was all slurry for a long time.  I sure hope you don’t get another one happen.  I wonder why your doctor didn’t say it could’ve been a TIA? Maybe from your symptoms he felt you didn’t have one.  I’d ask him if it could be possible, so that you’re placed on the right meds. Good luck, Lynne and God bless. Warm Hugs, Brie ~When we surrender judgement, we cease comparing.    When we respect differences, we move closer to peace     and to God.~        Gandhi

Response:

Yesterday was the first time I found this group, had it not been for my experience over the weekend, I am sure I would never have found it.  I have always had headaches, but compaired to the stories I have read here – I have been very fortunate.  This group seems to be extremely compasionate and understanding.  I am overwhelmed with the numbers that are suffering daily. Two good things I realize are that others have had the type of experience I have and that if I thought I had headache problems before – I am thankful that mine have been "mild" compared to what many of you seem to go through on a daily basis.  I am sure there are a lot of regulars that participate here – you are a godsend for those of us looking for information or just realizing the seriousness of these problems. I plan to follow up with a doctor next week – hopefully to understand how to prevent this from happening to me in the future. Thank you

Response:

Hi, Lynne, Just wanted to let you know that others have had this type of experience.  It’s much like a stroke (and may be a mini-stroke….is the term for that TIA?  Set me straight, those in the know.)

TIA stands for transient ischemic attack and does not generally cause a loss of consciousness for as long as  Lynn is referring to.   It is something that lasts for perhaps  a few hours and does  leave some after-effects such as slurred  speech.  This sounds too severe for the TIAs that I have  seen in patients when I was working  in the field. It is frightening.  I hope you get reassuring answers from your doctor (s) about this. Lavon

Evelyn Check out my woodcarving site at:  http://home.swbell.net/lbiggio

Response:

Lynn, Any headaches are bad.  We don’t try to out do each other with our levels of pain and we don’t treat the people with less headaches any different.  This is a very compasionate group…I have never come across anything like it.  I guess you’ve already found that out.  What ever you need…questions answered, ideas shared, or if you just want to vent and complain about having a bad day or just some sweet support.  You can find it here. Welcome and let us know how things are going. Lynne **I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.** Delete the junk from my address to email me.

Response:

Question:

        Splitting is back and white thinking. Everything(everybody) is either good or bad, nothing in between. No shades of gray. Tim elcam wrote: > I’ve been doing a lot of reading on BPD – though no books yet – and I > am confused as to what exactly splitting is.  Is it taking on another > personality – such as Jekyll and Hyde or does a change occur in > feelings such as love to hate and vice-versa.  But another personality > wouldn’t necessarily mean a change of feelings.  I am confused, as you > can see. > elcam

– Webmaster @ The Borderline Personality Disorder Sanctuary http://www.navicom.com/~patty Webmaster @ Biological Unhappiness http://www.biologicalunhappiness.com Dalnet 4-6pm PST Sworn Enemy of *HER*

Response:

"It seems for many borderlines that an important developmental process was damaged: learning that everything and everyone can have both good (white) and bad (black) parts… "Borderlines generally see themselvs as being all bad because of their self-destructive behaviors. Even when good behaviors might temporarily result in feeling the "white",  borderlines "know" deep down that since "bad" behaviors sometimes occrur, they must be bad. They are unable to accept the reality that everything has good and bad aspects. "Borderlines frequently assume (incorrectly) that any imperfection proves unworthiness, and a need to assume the worst (the black). .. When experiencing the "white", however, many borderlines feel excesssively vulnerable to disappointment and hurt. Any slight- real, minimal, or imaginary- will plunge the borderline into a painful dysphoria. The "black" is at best unpleasant, and almost always leads to dysphoria and pain. " —Life At The Border "Splitting prevents you from developing an enduring image of yourself and others and is partly behind your elusive sense of identity. Splitting is like an archeologist trying to imagine the form of a vessel by considering only one small, mineral- encrusted fragment at a time, never considering their relationship to one another. "If you are borderline, you most like have powerful effect on other people’s feelings and behavior. Your tumultuous emotions and dramatic, often provocative behaviors are due to elicit strong reactions in others. Your environment often becomes a theater for playing out inner conflicts. Other people may become screens onto which you project feelings as if you are thinking, "Someone here is agtry. It can’t be me, so it must be you." "If you are borderline, you are likely also to split your perception of yourself. You may strive valiantly for perfection and feel, at times, that you have achieved it, only to condemn yourself when the smallest flaw appears. "When you are good, you may feel entitled to special treatment and live outside the rules made for others. You may feel entitled to take whatever you wish and to have everything good all to yourself. "When you are bad, you may feel entitled to nothing. You may feel responsible for all that is evil and expect punishment. If punishment does not come, you may invite it from others or inflict it yourself. "This paradox in attitudes may be particularly confusing to familly or friends, who at one moment experience you as arrogant, demanding, and entitled, and the next as contrite, self-negating, and even suicidal." —Lost In The Mirror "Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty"  Thomas Jefferson.

Response:

Hi Elcam!  I know a lot about splitting!  I do it to extremes, and can only, sometimes, catch myself, and stop it.  It’s very hard to think like a normal person, or someone who doesn’t have this disorder.     Splitting:   Borderlines have problems dealing with human inconsistencies.  Splitting is what we do because we cannot handle the fact that others make mistakes.  So, we either banish the other person (who the borderline actually idealized prior to this), so we can justify in our mind, that this person is bad, so we treat them to the extreme of being "All Bad", or we banish our self so that we don’t banish the other person, or if we cannot banish the other person.     In a way, it’s as if we watched too much T.V. when we were younger. What I mean is, in cartoon’s, which we watched, they always have the all Good character and the all Bad character.  It would seem that if we watched this constantly (i.e.. the child was neglected and had the T.V. as a baby sitter) that child would develop that way of thinking.     The ones we hurt most are the ones we care about, and the ones we are closest to.  That’s only logical.  However, we are blind to our own thinking.  I mean, I didn’t know I did this until I was diagnosed Borderline 3 years ago (3 years ago?  God, I can’t believe it’s been so long).  I believe that along with medicine, we need to try to take a conscious effort to try and change this thinking, and try and stop hurting people we love.     My husband uses what one book calls the SET principles.  Support, Empathy, and Truth.  He is this!  I have never met someone like him before, which helps me out in therapy!  These principles work! (for me anyway)      With Borderline, I believe everyone has the symptoms that the disorder consists of, but to be diagnosed, you must have 5 of the 9, and they must revolve in a cycle in which the borderline has trouble getting out of.  One of the symptoms triggers another, like pistons of an engine, and it never stops, unless that person gets therapy and/or medicine. I know I fit into this, but when I started taking Li, I became more calm.  It eased my anger to the point that half of my symptoms stopped.  For instance, I used to fly into a rage (which I don’t do anymore), and it led to low self-esteem (still need to work on this issue), which led to substance abuse, or self medicating (which I don’t do anymore), which led to depression (Paxil is taking care of this pretty good), which led to mania (Li is taking care of this), which led to flight of ideas, which led to spending sprees & cheating (I don’t do anymore), and other obsessive compulsive disorders, etc… Whoa, I think I did a really good job of describing that!  Better copy it for my therapist and pdoc.  hehe. Anyway, this is how I see Borderline Personality Disorder, because this is the way it has affected me. Krazgirl – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -elcam wrote: > I’ve been doing a lot of reading on BPD – though no books yet – and I > am confused as to what exactly splitting is.  Is it taking on another > personality – such as Jekyll and Hyde or does a change occur in > feelings such as love to hate and vice-versa.  But another personality > wouldn’t necessarily mean a change of feelings.  I am confused, as you > can see. > elcam

Response:

CGRusher wrote: > >Subject: What is Splitting? > >From: "elcam" <el…@worldnet.att.net> > >Date: 1/28/99 9:31 AM Central Standard Time > >Message-id: <78pvt7$…@bgtnsc02.worldnet.att.net> > >I’ve been doing a lot of reading on BPD – though no books yet – and I > >am confused as to what exactly splitting is.  Is it taking on another > >personality – such as Jekyll and Hyde > No it has to do with all or nothing thinking or black and white thinking.

And then the projections that follow. ”I love you more than anybody in the universe!! You’re the answer to all my prayers!!” alternated with ”I hate you totally! You’re most evil person in the history of the world!!” Neither of which extreme, of course, is likely to reflect objective reality. >  or does a change occur in > >feelings such as love to hate and vice-versa. > Yes this would be when others are either placed on a pedestal or devalued. >  But another personality > >wouldn’t necessarily mean a change of feelings.  I am confused, as you > >can see. > >elcam > no it’s not a change of personality like happens in DID (MPD).  One description > I read of DID was that it’s not so much having more than one personality, but > having less than one because it’s fragmented.  

Yeah, I’ve seen that. Certainly applies in some cases. Then you have the unified dissociaters, such as myself, who go into dissociative or fugue states but don’t really have personality fragments on the inside. >My husband has been diagnosed > DID though I don’t see personality changes.  I know he dissociates to deal with > constant pain.  (Hes always injuring himself and doesn’t know when or how he > did it, and it’s not self injury.) > Actually I have doubts that he’s DID, but one of his kids said he’d believe it. >  There’s so much we don’t know yet about the human mind. > CG

– That don’t perfront me none. –John Lee Hooker

Response:

I’ve been doing a lot of reading on BPD – though no books yet – and I am confused as to what exactly splitting is.  Is it taking on another personality – such as Jekyll and Hyde or does a change occur in feelings such as love to hate and vice-versa.  But another personality wouldn’t necessarily mean a change of feelings.  I am confused, as you can see. elcam

Response:

>Subject: What is Splitting? >From: "elcam" <el…@worldnet.att.net> >Date: 1/28/99 9:31 AM Central Standard Time >Message-id: <78pvt7$…@bgtnsc02.worldnet.att.net> >I’ve been doing a lot of reading on BPD – though no books yet – and I >am confused as to what exactly splitting is.  Is it taking on another >personality – such as Jekyll and Hyde

No it has to do with all or nothing thinking or black and white thinking.  or does a change occur in >feelings such as love to hate and vice-versa.

Yes this would be when others are either placed on a pedestal or devalued.  But another personality >wouldn’t necessarily mean a change of feelings.  I am confused, as you >can see. >elcam

no it’s not a change of personality like happens in DID (MPD).  One description I read of DID was that it’s not so much having more than one personality, but having less than one because it’s fragmented.  My husband has been diagnosed DID though I don’t see personality changes.  I know he dissociates to deal with constant pain.  (Hes always injuring himself and doesn’t know when or how he did it, and it’s not self injury.) Actually I have doubts that he’s DID, but one of his kids said he’d believe it.  There’s so much we don’t know yet about the human mind. CG

Response:

Question:

spoilered just in case 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 (look mom… i can count.) [snipped my post 8)] Hi Ansel

‘lo snowbyrd  I want to thank you for responding to my post. It really helps to get feedback from others. I was wondering if you wouldnt mind telling me more about what your friend went through in his fugues…..as I have never been able to talk to anyone else who has ever experienced this it may help me to know if I can get help, if I know if I have similar feelings or whatever as he did.  For instance, I was wondering if he did any traveling during his fugue states? I tried to go to a different state and become a different person…a part of me still wants to do that.

Umm.. you could say he travelled, yes.  When it happened to him, we were both living on the east coast, about 20 minutes from the atlantic.  When he snapped out of his last fugue, he was somewhere in Arizona, I think. I guess you could call that travelling.  He didn’t remember any of it, all he remembered was the last thing that happened before the fugue and then next thing he knew he was in a  strange place. He called his mother and she flew him home. Essentially the way his worked was that he DID become a different person, like an alter coming out in an MPD/DID except for a much longer period of time. When he was missing during the last fugue, he was gone for a little over a month if my memory serves me. I am so afraid of losing my mind if I let my other side take over. Did he experiece anyting like that? Also, did he have repressed emotions and memories come up through his ordeal? I had some of this happen, but nothing ever got processed and so I am stuck in a way. Any info you could give me would help  me alot. I will keep it in the strictist of confidence,  no one else has access to my email.(unless you want to post to group or both)

I figure I’ll just post to the group, perhaps his story could be useful to any lurkers out there who may have been through this sort of thing and are feeling the same way you do. When he was finally diagnosed with what they called Psychogenic Fugues, he had already fugued at least three major times that we could figure, probably more. It started on a very small scale, like a couple of hours or so.  It then progressed to the extent that he would disappear for a whole night, then a day, then a week… and finally the worst of all of them was the fugue that sent him to Arizona.  When he got back from Arizona, he immediately went into therapy and when he described what happened and what he remembered, they put him through a series of tests and made the diagnosis. He then went into pretty rigorous therapy and they had him on some medications, but he was staying at home the whole time. As far as any of his friends know, he never had another fugue. If he did, it was very minor. He spent a long time recovering, though, as the last fugue took a LOT out of him. As far as the chest pain, I have seen a doctor, and I do have some abnormalities, but it is causing a different pain I have. What I have is this pressure in my chestr, that feels like my emotional/spiritual heart/center…..I dont know how to explain it. Its not really a pain. I dont know.(also pressure in my head)

This is the part of the post that literally jumps off the screen and whacks me in the head. He described the exact same thing. Coincidence perhaps, but duly noted. You also say you watched him go through a few fugue states. can I ask what that "looked" like? How did you deal with it as a friend? How did it make you feel about him? How did others react to him? If I ever let a hint of what I amgoing through to the family members I live with, they mock me or critisize me… so it’s hard not to hide it all.

I don’t really know what it ‘looked’ like, per se, as I never actually saw him in the midst of a fugue. I saw him before and after, but during he was usually on the move. As a friend, it was terrifying.  I don’t think I’d ever been so worried about one individual in my entire life, and my family felt the same way. But we never ever saw him in a different light. We knew he had problems before the fugues, we knew he had problems afterwards. But it made no difference to me or any of his friends and none of us ever mocked him or critisized him in any way whatsoever. I have had therapy at times, but I cant seem to let them see the side of me that needs help, so therapy has seemed pretty pointless up til now.  How long was your friend in therapy?

He was in therapy for a while, I don’t remember exactly how long. However, in my opinion… therapy was one of the best things that ever happened to him. well, I guess I have asked more than enough questions…probably too many, but I do hope you can help answer them for me. I hope you dont mind. Thank you so much for responding…..

Hey, it’s no problem.  I’m sure he’d like to know that his story might actually be helping someone.  My best advice though, is this.  Tell your doctor about the weird chest pains and pressure in your head if you haven’t already, it may be a side effect of the fugue, it may not be… it could also be dangerous to your well-being. And it never hurts to check it out.  Also, if possible, find a therapist that deals with such things.  The therapist really did help my friend and his fugues stopped and he began to make incredible progress.  Lastly, the issues that sparked the fugue are truly important. For my friend, it was somewhat of a side effect of getting away from his patterns of substance abuse.  This doesn’t happen to everyone, mind you. But it is what happened to him.  Whatever the issue was for you, it could be very useful to try to work through this issue as well as the fugue with a therapist. I’m no therapist, keep in mind, nor am I a doctor of any sort. In fact I’m just a poor college student working my butt off to keep my own mouth fed. So what I’m offering you here is by no means a professional opinion, it’s just what I saw in him and what the doctors said.  His story is a sad one, and it was a difficult time for all of us.  However, it also proves without a doubt that with a helping hand or two and an individual trained in this issue, you can recover and improve. Take care of yourself and I sincerely hope that everything works out for the best. Ansel ~~~~~ I’m just lucky to be here I can’t believe I got this far And if I stopped along the way to fight a tear I’m sorry But I thought I saw my dream –Blessid Union of Souls

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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -You’ve been living between two identities for several YEARS. Uh, I am not at all surprised at your discomfort. Some systems LINK personalities. That isn’t really the same as crossing over from one to the other. I think Mosaics/TN/Sierra calls this co-consiousness. There are some other terms. If you can get the two personhoods to negotiate a settlement, you may be better off than trying to separate them. Like the old saying, two heads are better than one. If you can get them to stop fussing with each other and work together, you have more power than if they are totally split. If these two have been together for YEARS as you say, there may be a basis for you to get them to kind of "come to the bargaining table" if you know what I mean. They have shared so much together, they might be willing to merge or *nt*gr*t* in some fashion. That would solve your problem, I think. I mean, look at it from the standpoint of the personhood that is scheduled to be left behind. If they are a positive and capable person, they do NOT want to d*e. By trying to push them out of the system, you have put them on the defensive. They don’t want to leave. Life is precious, even to the alters. So your efforts to fully modulate to a different alter have left the old personhood in a very awkward position. In a certain regard, they are fighting for survival. If that fight has been going on for several years, then I would say that you have a lot more at stake, and a lot more to lose, than you think. Your "old" alter is one tough cookie. You may actually be better off to have a tough customer like that REMAIN in your system of multiples, rather than throw them out. Let’s face it, she’s a survivor and survival is where it is at.

Hi Lenny and friends, Not really sure what to say. You have given me some food for thought. I’ve never really thought I have a part of me that is running the show that doesnt want to d*e……I’ve been trying to get rid of her for so long….she is my coper I think….she runs the show when the rest of us are dealing with crap happening or memories happening or whatever. I dont know if they can work together. Their is a part of me that is so buried, and so wounded, and has never seen the light of day, until one day some years ago when I had this fugue thing happen…..and the one running the show just about k*ll*d her when she came out. I dont think they can live together. Either one has to go or the other. And so the quiet little one s*ff*rs internally and is back in the dark. I guess I am somewhat co-conscious as your friend calls it, but I dont like it. Its p*inf*l. Anyway, thanks for your feedback. SnowByrd posted on NG as well

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I’ve actually never posted in this ng, been lurking for a while. I just wanted to say that I can understand how difficult fugues can be, as I watched a dear friend of mine go through a tormenting series of them a few years ago. I just wanted to say that if you are having physical problems, ie chest pains, while they might be associated with the fugue and the in-between state of personalities, you should definitely go see a doctor to make sure. Also, he went into therapy for a while, and it REALLY helped him a lot. While I know that it is sometimes easier to hide the problem, it may really help you out in the long run. I hated to see him struggle through the whole ordeal, so I hope things work out for you.

Hi Ansel  I want to thank you for responding to my post. It really helps to get feedback from others. I was wondering if you wouldnt mind telling me more about what your friend went through in his fugues…..as I have never been able to talk to anyone else who has ever experienced this it may help me to know if I can get help, if I know if I have similar feelings or whatever as he did.  For instance, I was wondering if he did any traveling during his fugue states?  I tried to go to a different state and become a different person…a part of me still wants to do that. I am so afraid of losing my mind if I let my other side take over. Did he experiece anyting like that? Also, did he have repressed emotions and memories come up through his ordeal? I had some of this happen, but nothing ever got processed and so I am stuck in a way. Any info you could give me would help  me alot. I will keep it in the strictist of confidence,  no one else has access to my email.(unless you want to post to group or both) As far as the chest pain, I have seen a doctor, and I do have some abnormalities, but it is causing a different pain I have. What I have is this pressure in my chestr, that feels like my emotional/spiritual heart/center…..I dont know how to explain it. Its not really a pain. I dont know.(also pressure in my head) You also say you watched him go through a few fugue states. can I ask what that "looked" like? How did you deal with it as a friend? How did it make you feel about him? How did others react to him? If I ever let a hint of what I amgoing through to the family members I live with, they mock me or critisize me… so it’s hard not to hide it all. I have had therapy at times, but I cant seem to let them see the side of me that needs help, so therapy has seemed pretty pointless up til now.  How long was your friend in therapy? well, I guess I have asked more than enough questions…probably too many, but I do hope you can help answer them for me. I hope you dont mind. Thank you so much for responding…..

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– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi. i was wondering if anyone has ever experienced a dissociative fugue. I did some years ago and wondered if anyone else has here. At the time I wasnt able to totally complete the fugue state, meaning I didnt complete the process of changing my identity….it was only partial…….and I’ve been sort of stuck in this inbetween place ever since. I feel allthis pressure in my head, and my chest hurts alot. I wish I could’ve totally switched over, because this identity was dy*ng…..and I wasnt able to fully cross over……and I’ve been so sick ever since but I hide it  very well and no one knows. I feel like I will never find out who I really am and that I will be stuck in this in between place forever. Itis so p*inful. I dont know what else to say. I wish there was some way out of this…..

I’ve actually never posted in this ng, been lurking for a while. I just wanted to say that I can understand how difficult fugues can be, as I watched a dear friend of mine go through a tormenting series of them a few years ago. I just wanted to say that if you are having physical problems, ie chest pains, while they might be associated with the fugue and the in-between state of personalities, you should definitely go see a doctor to make sure. Also, he went into therapy for a while, and it REALLY helped him a lot. While I know that it is sometimes easier to hide the problem, it may really help you out in the long run. I hated to see him struggle through the whole ordeal, so I hope things work out for you. Ansel ~~~~~ When we’re done soul searching and we’ve carried the weight and died for the cause Will misery become beautiful right before our eyes? Will mercy be revealed or blind us where we stand? –sarah mclachlan

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Hello Snow, You’ve been living between two identities for several YEARS. Uh, I am not at all surprised at your discomfort. Some systems LINK personalities. That isn’t really the same as crossing over from one to the other. I think Mosaics/TN/Sierra calls this co-consiousness. There are some other terms. If you can get the two personhoods to negotiate a settlement, you may be better off than trying to separate them. Like the old saying, two heads are better than one. If you can get them to stop fussing with each other and work together, you have more power than if they are totally split. If these two have been together for YEARS as you say, there may be a basis for you to get them to kind of "come to the bargaining table" if you know what I mean. They have shared so much together, they might be willing to merge or *nt*gr*t* in some fashion. That would solve your problem, I think. I mean, look at it from the standpoint of the personhood that is scheduled to be left behind. If they are a positive and capable person, they do NOT want to d*e. By trying to push them out of the system, you have put them on the defensive. They don’t want to leave. Life is precious, even to the alters. So your efforts to fully modulate to a different alter have left the old personhood in a very awkward position. In a certain regard, they are fighting for survival. If that fight has been going on for several years, then I would say that you have a lot more at stake, and a lot more to lose, than you think. Your "old" alter is one tough cookie. You may actually be better off to have a tough customer like that REMAIN in your system of multiples, rather than throw them out. Let’s face it, she’s a survivor and survival is where it is at. Hope there is some aluminum in this trash. Feel free to cash it in. Lenny(Rage, Tech and the Preacher)

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Hi. i was wondering if anyone has ever experienced a dissociative fugue. I did some years ago and wondered if anyone else has here. At the time I wasnt able to totally complete the fugue state, meaning I didnt complete the process of changing my identity….it was only partial…….and I’ve been sort of stuck in this inbetween place ever since. I feel allthis pressure in my head, and my chest hurts alot. I wish I could’ve totally switched over, because this identity was dy*ng…..and I wasnt able to fully cross over……and I’ve been so sick ever since but I hide it  very well and no one knows. I feel like I will never find out who I really am and that I will be stuck in this in between place forever. Itis so p*inful. I dont know what else to say. I wish there was some way out of this…..

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spoilered just in case too 1 2 3 4 5 6 8 10 Hi again Ansel Thank you for taking the time to answer all those questions of mine. I really appreciate it. I really dont know what to do to get help for myself, but reading about your friend is helpful. I have a few more questions, if you dont mind. (snip) As far as the chest pain, I have seen a doctor, and I do have some abnormalities, but it is causing a different pain I have. What I have is this pressure in my chestr, that feels like my emotional/spiritual heart/center…..I dont know how to explain it. Its not really a pain. I dont know.(also pressure in my head) This is the part of the post that literally jumps off the screen and whacks me in the head. He described the exact same thing.

I was wondering, did the pain/pressure in his head/chest get better after therapy? (if he ever talked about it). Did this start happening to him after the first fugue or did he live with this before? For me it pretty much started after the fugue, although I had emotional problems before that too. It is also very confusing for me because my fugue revolved partly around r*l*g*ous experiences and travelling to "where G*d is" and stuff, so on top of the identity issue itself is the whole c onfusion in my mind about faith, G*d, r*l*gi*n and what I experienced. People tell me I was acting psychotic. I dont know. I just know I was in alot of pain and in crisis. I was wondering,did his therapy include any treatment with hypnosis? If so, did he ever talk about what that was like for him and what it did for him? Last question. I was wondering, does he have a history of ab*se in his family? DOnt know what else to ask or say…..so thanks again Ansel…I do appreciate it Snowbyrd posted to NG

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