program cues /spoilered sra

Dissociation Talk » Dissociation » program cues /spoilered sra

Question:

ok beyond a shadow of a doubt ,I am 100 % positive that I have isolated one of my sexual program cues ! this is caroline speaking and i am going to spoiler this heavily ,because these are some of my program cues that also others may relate to. be careful sra and there is sexual reference although no abuse history . this is totally technical programming techniques and cues spoilering now a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z first off my mind has to be in a semi blank state: driving trance ,walking around the a+p, and today during a long graduation ceremony at school, another time at the same school during a basketball game, coming upon a certain mailbox at some ones house. but it was today I consciously realized why it happened there previously. [I heard it start to go into the repeatative sentencing of "I need sex"3x and then on to other related phrases also repeated several times it is the color combination of red and white together I am sitting looking at the stage,ok the same colors are there, but they are broken up by a thick wood molding,no reaction to this but then I look up to the windows later and see the curtains this time and the red curtains are directly against the white walls ,my mind is blank it starts but I catch it 2nd time and now know for sure it is the color combo it has just happened that way too many times now. as soon as I consciously realize it the way to break the program is really quite simple,couldnt be simpler as a matter of fact,it doesnt matter if your response is to say something positive or something negative to reinforce the program or the pledge of allegiance the only thing that matters to break,disrupt a program once begun is TO REMAIN CONSCIOUS thats it, if you stay unconscious and listen you will lapse into it and in my case [since it is sexual] my body will respond to its suggestions or if you panic and fall into it. but if you consciously fight it and stay awake and alert thru i, you can ride it out,I have found my programs are real,real short in time span,its amazing really they only last maybe a minute or so. first off it is such a huge relief to know that they are not threatening alters that can talk and follow me around all day long or in the case of a strong alter come out and take over,or self harm no these are not alters,these are damn records/short tape recordings that run out quick,they say their particular group of sentences ,each 3 to 4x repeative times,maybe a grouping of 4 phrases max,and then whammo they are gone. there is such freedom in knowing how to fight this on this 1st level I am aware of other programmed responses though I am not so naive as to think that this is it,but it is a good start. another one for sure is once already in a programmed sexual state when sexual alters are out, my system becomes somewhat drugged, if another cue is given while a dissociated state further down on the chain exists other states are accessed to other sexual alters [I have so many we have been unable to count or cluster them all] but with each there is an alter for almost every type of situation[act] and each has their own memories and potential abreactions. one of the most severe abreactions occurred to one [her name may be lisa] once in a very deep dissociated state that she exists/ the word orgy was accidently mentioned and her,my body went rigid and into convulsive like movements [while standing up in the bathroom,the abreaction was,resembling electo shock while sexual stimuli applied. this also happened another time even more severe with uncontrollable eye blinking,but I have no idea who the alter was or what the cue/trigger was that was accessed? another and this may sound funny ,but guys its really not because it is involuntary which is unfair to all of me,if an erect penis is seen[obviously in person] [this could be at a time a child alter was out and cuddling [or say the male has to urinate and it really has nothing to do with sex] or I am sick or sad or angry and really truly have no ,none I say ,no desire or though of having sex,but when that is seen a sexual alter comes out immediately and initiates sex right,and all others lose control or power now what is interesting about this is that this is how most males respond to visual stimuli of women most males are sexually aroused from visual[photos ,in person or whatever] seeing a nude female this I do not believe to be a typical female response women aren t generally on a consistent basis apt to react this way, my system does with out fail,to whatever and who ever is the partner,be it current or past[ old ex husband 21 years never said no to him under those circumstances,was also a dancer and prostitute as well . so these are what I have figured out so far I would be very much interested in any one elses info re guarding this type of programming [sexual or regular e.c.t. programming or color programs] if you feel more comfortable you can email me

Response:

Good job, caroline!! Sounds like you’re doing some hard work and it’s paying off. Yeah!:) Although I don’t have anything specific to say about your post, I agree with what you’ve figured out and it makes sense. (esp. about men being more visual than women) Rainbow Colors (Jill) — I choose to post non-anon because my abusers are afraid. They would have to admit something happened in order to confront me; this they will never do. They are the only people who will be upset if they know who I am, and they are too afraid to admit to what they did. Black of Rainbow Colors

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – ok beyond a shadow of a doubt ,I am 100 % positive that I have isolated one of my sexual program cues ! this is caroline speaking and i am going to spoiler this heavily ,because these are some of my program cues that also others may relate to. be careful sra and there is sexual reference although no abuse history . this is totally technical programming techniques and cues spoilering now a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z

I used Caroline’s spoilering for my posting too. We think it’s really great that you figured out so much and were able to become conscious of the program cues. I’m glad for you that it’s not alters and just words that last only a little while. Our problem is there are words inside, but then that makes some alters come out that want to cut or run in front of cars or go walk in the park at 3am. We haven’t been acting on these things for a long time and our therp says she’s proud of how hard we’re working. We had to ask her today why she said that because we weren’t doing anything that seemed like moving forward, just staying alive and staying safe. She said that this is a lot of work, isn’t it. We said yes, we guess it is. When we get programs started that trigger alters it feels like we’re being tortured sometimes. The whole body hurts so bad like all the muscles are being shocked and they hurt. It sometimes feels like the only way to make the torture stop is to do what "they" (left alters) want. We don’t want to cut or get raped or… We want to stay safe so we can deal with whatever is stirring everyone up so much inside lately. What we do (and our therapist says it’s OK if it works and helps us get through this) is take Ibuprofen 600 and Fiorinal with Codeine to stop the torture, and it works!!!!! Then we don’t even think about having to do those things anymore. We also take Klonapin to help us stay calm, it helps a little, but doesn’t help the really rough times. Anyway, thanks for letting us share. This is the first post that we really shared a lot about ourselves. We get a badge of courage for that. — Cari Grace, Survivor — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:

Response:

thankyou rainbow colors[jill] i wish i felt good enough toady to take your nice compliment and feel happy about it a new person last nite and i dont like her at all ,and she is so seperate ,she thinks she can leave if she wants to[here we go again,and her stupid name is "pain" she is a whore and likes it,threatening "my" s.o. if he doesnt provide it she is going elsewhere and also sid there is another called "blood" not to be confused with her,great just what i need,i would like to move out and leave them the body its just too many against me thanks though love caroline - Hide quoted text -- Show quoted text - Good job, caroline!! Sounds like you're doing some hard work and it's paying off. Yeah!:) Although I don't have anything specific to say about your post, I agree with what you've figured out and it makes sense. (esp. about men being more visual than women) Rainbow Colors (Jill) -- I choose to post non-anon because my abusers are afraid. They would have to admit something happened in order to confront me; this they will never do. They are the only people who will be upset if they know who I am, and they are too afraid to admit to what they did. Black of Rainbow Colors

Response:

Thank-you Caroline. We would very much like to be your friend. We need friends and you seem like you are a good friend. --Cari Grace, Survivor -- For more information about this service, send e-mail to:

Response:

to cari grace survivor from caroline thankyou not just for saying nice stuff to me but about sharing about you too ,you are real brave and i liked to be your friend even though its scarey,cause you do understand bye love caroline - Hide quoted text -- Show quoted text - ok beyond a shadow of a doubt ,I am 100 % positive that I have isolated one of my sexual program cues ! this is caroline speaking and i am going to spoiler this heavily ,because these are some of my program cues that also others may relate to. be careful sra and there is sexual reference although no abuse history . this is totally technical programming techniques and cues spoilering now a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z I used Caroline's spoilering for my posting too. We think it's really great that you figured out so much and were able to become conscious of the program cues. I'm glad for you that it's not alters and just words that last only a little while. Our problem is there are words inside, but then that makes some alters come out that want to cut or run in front of cars or go walk in the park at 3am. We haven't been acting on these things for a long time and our therp says she's proud of how hard we're working. We had to ask her today why she said that because we weren't doing anything that seemed like moving forward, just staying alive and staying safe. She said that this is a lot of work, isn't it. We said yes, we guess it is. When we get programs started that trigger alters it feels like we're being tortured sometimes. The whole body hurts so bad like all the muscles are being shocked and they hurt. It sometimes feels like the only way to make the torture stop is to do what "they" (left alters) want. We don't want to cut or get raped or... We want to stay safe so we can deal with whatever is stirring everyone up so much inside lately. What we do (and our therapist says it's OK if it works and helps us get through this) is take Ibuprofen 600 and Fiorinal with Codeine to stop the torture, and it works!!!!! Then we don't even think about having to do those things anymore. We also take Klonapin to help us stay calm, it helps a little, but doesn't help the really rough times. Anyway, thanks for letting us share. This is the first post that we really shared a lot about ourselves. We get a badge of courage for that. -- Cari Grace, Survivor -- For more information about this service, send e-mail to:

Response:

I am just beginning to look for programming cues to better help me understand my own past with RA. Mostly to help me deal with the insider who took all that in and holds onto like a protector of the pain. I need to be able to understand her better and deal with her better. I was wondering if anyone wanted to share with my in email some known cues, or web sites, or books, or whatever. Thanks. Selah -- "When the light is green u go/When the light is red u stop/But what do u do when the light turns blue/With orange and lavender spots?" S.Silverstein

Response:

hi selah this is caroline, i dont know much ,but sure we can talk anytime[also tesserae has an incredibly wonderful web page with enourmous amounts of information and resources but i forgot the address,maybe somebody else here has it to give to you.] you know to some extent everyone in the world is programmed . be it the media or more directly their parents and teachers and peers saying things that are absorbed into even singletons minds they hear "you are a clutz and cant do it " or they hear "you will never amount to anything" were as somebody like me hears "i need sex 3x repeatative things" or terribly violent threats to insure silence my programming was done deliberatly by a bunch of f*cks more elaboratly and managed to splinter my brain and life to smitherens but everybody else in the world still could bennifit from concious awareness focusing to hear,recognize and thus fight someone elses words,someone elses programs inside their heads. we should all be the people that we want to be ,not how they wanted or saw us,we would all be much happier and free that way .mpds and singletons alike!! ,i realized that for me there is something else that does come prior to the red/white ,that then leads into the phrases,because when driving alert i noticed all the different red and white signs etc. and then realized that when in a simple driving trance that it is more than that , there is some other trigger first, one time i did hear somebody inside call out help me help me,but i truly have no idea what the first cue is? that then sets off that chain of pre recorded messages,commands? i can jump into stop phrases by about the 2nd one,i can not stop them at other times,once in a dissociated state. i am going to spoiler here for description of sexual programming abreactions that occured over this weekend a b c d e f g h i j k l m n well after that incredibly clear and lucid first few paragraphs its a shame to ruin it with whats coming[except i seriosly doubt anyone expects anything to come out of here that isnt at least partially pyschotic [talk about denial and disclaimers ,huh?] oh brother,i should probably never have sex again and be locked up,.but my s.o. is safe i do unravel alot and parts talk and my overall system is helped plus if it werent he they would find someone else less safe,since it is a progammed compulsion to have so much sex ok blah blah,cut to the chase caroline shut the fuck up ,she obviously is too freaked and incapable of telling you so i will instead first abreaction: clitorial stimulation laying flat on back,too many times in a row ,over and over again ,part was out?who? body went into spasmatic convulsions shock jolts threw body shacking.flying up ..men surrounding table. thank goodness i dont identify with that behavior personally or else i would be embarrassed to my s.o. 2nd abreaction: after shock one later ,i suppose a deeper level of dissociation[sex and physical contact makes all of me dissociate alot] again laying flat ,on table ,surrounded a group of by men, "carolines sister "was peeking out of this ones eyes who was on the outside of the body,it was not her body it was this other ones she saw black hair ,alot of it on this ones forearms and asked inside who is this ?[i guess cause it was so creepy to see the hair there] so someone else said its" wolf "and she said "wolf" who is "wolf"? and they said "wolf " ,back and forth until it was accepted that is really the one with the hairy arms name. now she couldnt talk ,she was part animal i guess,and mute [we have another animal that we just call "animal "but she is a pig dog child they used for anal sex,also that awful exhusband abusive creep did that to her too][and sadly also the little boy ] "wolf "saw,and therefore so did "carolines sister" from a distance that there was a gold framed picture hanging on the wall with a picture of what she thought was a queen in it ,oil painting. s.o. tried to comfort "wolf" and hold her to be gentle and rock her so she wouldnt be scared,but i dont think she was scared cause the other animal isnt they just dont know any better about what is right and wrong or when people are hurting them or what is gross and bad, when he was nice to her and held her she statred to change outta being a wolf and then her face got a crooked smile and she is very little [3 to 5 years old] he said she looked like an angel. i would be sad but i know she doesnt care if they hurt her ,she doesnt know any better,i am just glad that we are different. and that no body touched me like that or else i will never talk and tell nobody anything again i am really carolines sister but dont tell ok ,i usually dont care and like to talk to people but i dont wanta get into trouble either so long i dont have a name – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I am just beginning to look for programming cues to better help me understand my own past with RA. Mostly to help me deal with the insider who took all that in and holds onto like a protector of the pain. I need to be able to understand her better and deal with her better. I was wondering if anyone wanted to share with my in email some known cues, or web sites, or books, or whatever. Thanks. Selah — "When the light is green u go/When the light is red u stop/But what do u do when the light turns blue/With orange and lavender spots?" S.Silverstein

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I am just beginning to look for programming cues to better help me understand my own past with RA. Mostly to help me deal with the insider who took all that in and holds onto like a protector of the pain. I need to be able to understand her better and deal with her better. I was wondering if anyone wanted to share with my in email some known cues, or web sites, or books, or whatever. Thanks. Selah — "When the light is green u go/When the light is red u stop/But what do u do when the light turns blue/With orange and lavender spots?" S.Silverstein

try reading safe passages to healing by christiana Oskinawa (sp might be wrong)

Response:

hi caroline here and no offense meant but that book" safe passages in healing "triggered me way ,way out i had to throw the book away, outside into the snow and then s.o. took it away i think somebody has got to be real real srong to read it i wasnt! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I am just beginning to look for programming cues to better help me understand my own past with RA. Mostly to help me deal with the insider who took all that in and holds onto like a protector of the pain. I need to be able to understand her better and deal with her better. I was wondering if anyone wanted to share with my in email some known cues, or web sites, or books, or whatever. Thanks. Selah — "When the light is green u go/When the light is red u stop/But what do u do when the light turns blue/With orange and lavender spots?" S.Silverstein try reading safe passages to healing by christiana Oskinawa (sp might be wrong)

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