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1– SAVE-TIME-AND-FACE- Software.  $300.00 This wonderful piece of software will automatically a) save the post you want to read and erases the spams. b) Will keep Clift Notes of long posts reducing it to a small readable    post c) will translate into easy to understand, posts that are too highly      scientific or medical (Perfect for Shipko fans) d) warns you when the question you are about to post has been asked 100    times before or if it will cause flames. 2– THINKING CAP  $ 50.00 Cap contains a hidden video-camera. No more wondering where you put your glasses or keys, or if you took your meds, or luck the door. Just sit down, rewind the tape and watch. Useful too for dissasociation and depersonalization black-outs. 3– WHEEL-OF-DOSAGE $30.00 You feel lousy again? Pills making you sicker?? Pills not reaching it’s full potential?  Save money on shrinks. Just Spin the Wheel-of-Dosage and watch where it stops! "Go for 5mg more", "Reduce Valium and increase Xanax", "Increase the blue one to 10mg" .Lots of fun for the entire family! 4–CARTEL ESCORT SERVICE Afraid to fly? Anticipatory anxiety taking the best from you? Call us! We will send you  one of our highly trained guys. When you least expect it they will kidnap you , render you unconcious and voila! When you wake up you are in your intended destination! No anxiety, no fears! Save. One way kidnaping %500.  Round-trip-kidnapping $800 5–SCARE STIFF REVENGE PACKAGE. $60.00 Special for those tired of answering annoying, stupid ignorant people about your PAs. This gadget will send a jolt of electricity to the offender and leave him shaky, sweaty, heart racing, knees wobling, stops his breathing, and send him rushing to the ER. We garantee that the person will never ask the question again or your money back. For everyday use, please recharch batery while you sleep. 7–PILL-O-MATIC Dispenser. $45.50 Just feel this container with the meds you take for the year. When you forget to take them, it will phone you, beep you, fax you, e-mail you, post you, until you take it. Then it will check your blood presure, urine, and brething to make sure you realy took it. 8- DREAM MACHINE $30.00 Will detect when you are having a nightmare, or a sleep paralisis and will throw cold water on your face. Warning. If you sleep with electric blanket disconect before sleeping. ASAP MARketing Co.

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Re: Mail Order cataglog for ASAPers. Thank you for a late night laugh.  Have printed out and will take to next Panic meeting. Liz m –

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Thanks…….MikeH – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Re: Mail Order cataglog for ASAPers. Thank you for a late night laugh.  Have printed out and will take to next Panic meeting.

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5–SCARE STIFF REVENGE PACKAGE. $60.00 ** Rosita; send me one of these, please. Credit card #3598-4778-3889-9009  exp. 7/98 – or something like that;-) <another easy way to move ahead in line at the grocery, too  <g

My dear Elliott, for that we have another special, it’s called THE BODY BOUNCER CARTEL PRO For just $50 a month we can provide a colombian trained body bouncer who upon request, will shorten the line in front of you. Prices vary according to your method of choice. -Yelling THERE IS A BOMB IN THE STORE!!! $15 -Picking people in front of you by the shirt and belt and throwing them out the window $20 -Threatening with bodily harm the store manager if a new express line is not open in 2 minutes $25 -Maze spraying the line $30 -Stunt guning the one in front of you, then the next, then the next $45 More useful cathalog gadgets mail upon request. thanks for your order, but your credit card proved to be a fake number. A member of our Colombian Unpaid Accounts Department is on the way. ASAP Marketing Co.

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– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – <snip 2– THINKING CAP  $ 50.00 Cap contains a hidden video-camera. No more wondering where you put your glasses or keys, or if you took your meds, or luck the door. Just sit down, rewind the tape and watch. Useful too for dissasociation and depersonalization black-outs. <snip 5–SCARE STIFF REVENGE PACKAGE. $60.00 Special for those tired of answering annoying, stupid ignorant people about your PAs. This gadget will send a jolt of electricity to the offender and leave him shaky, sweaty, heart racing, knees wobling, stops his breathing, and send him rushing to the ER. We garantee that the person will never ask the question again or your money back. For everyday use, please recharch batery while you sleep. <snip ASAP MARketing Co.

Rosita, I would like to order 2 thinking caps (in case I lose one) and the scare stiff revenge package sounds like just what I have been looking for.  You are a marketing genius!  Thanks for making me smile today :-) Amy

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1– SAVE-TIME-AND-FACE- Software.  $300.00 2– THINKING CAP  $ 50.00 3– WHEEL-OF-DOSAGE $30.00 4–CARTEL ESCORT SERVICE 5–SCARE STIFF REVENGE PACKAGE. $60.00

7–PILL-O-MATIC Dispenser. $45.50 8- DREAM MACHINE $30.00 <snipped ASAP MARketing Co.

Hi Rosita, Please send another thinking cap, I seem to have misplaced mine:) Very funny post. Thanks CW

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