Dissociation Talk

Question:

Hi Ellie: snip "When you mention not being able to get motivated this could be depression. smiles, Elise Tis true, anxiety and depression IMO are bedfellows and a person can flip between the two or experience the symptoms of both at the same time.  After suffering from panic/anxiety disorder for a while, a person can usually detect when depression comes creeping around. Learning the side affects of meds. is very important too and knowing that there may be changes in those as well.  Attempting to deal with the illness, the meds and the side affects if almost a full time job . -frizz — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

hello, i am new to all this anxiety stuff. i just need some answers. i am on zoloft. some days i feel ok but like im in a dream and things seem distance. some days i’m tired but yet feel restless, like im sleepy and want to sleep but im restless and yet i cannot get motivated to do anything. is this just part of the anxiety? much info on anxiety would be helpfull — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

::hello, ::i am new to all this anxiety stuff. i just need some answers. i am on ::zoloft. some days i feel ok but like im in a dream and things seem ::distance. some days i’m tired but yet feel restless, like im sleepy and ::want to sleep but im restless and yet i cannot get motivated to do ::anything. is this just part of the anxiety? much info on anxiety would ::be helpfull Dear Gina, Welcome to ASAPM! Could you give us some more info? The more we know, the better we can help you. How long have you been on Zoloft? What is your current dose? Were you given a diagnosis? I can tell you this, what you describe could be part of your anxiety, or it could be a side-effect of the Zoloft. The dream-like, distant feeling sounds like derealization and/or depersonalization. This is a pretty common anxiety symptom. It can also be a side-effect of the Zoloft. Have you always had this symptom, or did it begin after starting the Zoloft? Does this describe your dream-like state? ~*~Derealization means that things around you become strange, unreal, foggy, or detached from you. Said one patient: II feel I’m in another world. It’s like I know I’m there, but I’m really not. I feel removed from the situation I’m in. I feel like I’m in another dimension-like a hollow or vacuum-outside the situation I’m in. It’s like watching the whole thing from a distance." And another felt "like I was looking at everything through the wrong end of a telescope-it seemed to get more distant and smaller. Sometimes the opposite would happen and everything would feel closer and larger. One day I was going to cross the street and I got this feeling. I felt that if I stepped off the sidewalk, I would sink into a deep abyss and never make it to the other side of  the street, it seemed so far away."~*~ http://www.angelfire.com/ia/starcollector/dereal.html Some great sites on anxiety disorders. http://panicdisorder.about.com/ http://www.nimh.nih.gov/healthinformation/anxietymenu.cfm http://www.mentalhealth.com/ You might want to check out the following books from your library: "A Guide to Rational Living", by Albert Ellis, Ph.D "Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy", by David D. Burns, M.D. "How to Control Your Anxiety, Before it Controls You", by Albert Ellis, Ph.D "The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook", by Edmund J., Ph.D. Bourne Don’t hesitate to ask questions, Gina! We’ll do our best to help you Jackie ~*~If I am not for myself, who is for me? And if I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now, when?~*~   ~~ Hillel — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

YES YOU NAILED THERE ON THAT DREAM LIKE FEELING. thank you for the reply – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – ::hello, ::i am new to all this anxiety stuff. i just need some answers. i am on ::zoloft. some days i feel ok but like im in a dream and things seem ::distance. some days i’m tired but yet feel restless, like im sleepy and ::want to sleep but im restless and yet i cannot get motivated to do ::anything. is this just part of the anxiety? much info on anxiety would ::be helpfull Dear Gina, Welcome to ASAPM! Could you give us some more info? The more we know, the better we can help you. How long have you been on Zoloft? What is your current dose? Were you given a diagnosis? I can tell you this, what you describe could be part of your anxiety, or it could be a side-effect of the Zoloft. The dream-like, distant feeling sounds like derealization and/or depersonalization. This is a pretty common anxiety symptom. It can also be a side-effect of the Zoloft. Have you always had this symptom, or did it begin after starting the Zoloft? Does this describe your dream-like state? ~*~Derealization means that things around you become strange, unreal, foggy, or detached from you. Said one patient: II feel I’m in another world. It’s like I know I’m there, but I’m really not. I feel removed from the situation I’m in. I feel like I’m in another dimension-like a hollow or vacuum-outside the situation I’m in. It’s like watching the whole thing from a distance." And another felt "like I was looking at everything through the wrong end of a telescope-it seemed to get more distant and smaller. Sometimes the opposite would happen and everything would feel closer and larger. One day I was going to cross the street and I got this feeling. I felt that if I stepped off the sidewalk, I would sink into a deep abyss and never make it to the other side of  the street, it seemed so far away."~*~ http://www.angelfire.com/ia/starcollector/dereal.html Some great sites on anxiety disorders. http://panicdisorder.about.com/ http://www.nimh.nih.gov/healthinformation/anxietymenu.cfm http://www.mentalhealth.com/ You might want to check out the following books from your library: "A Guide to Rational Living", by Albert Ellis, Ph.D "Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy", by David D. Burns, M.D. "How to Control Your Anxiety, Before it Controls You", by Albert Ellis, Ph.D "The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook", by Edmund J., Ph.D. Bourne Don’t hesitate to ask questions, Gina! We’ll do our best to help you Jackie ~*~If I am not for myself, who is for me? And if I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now, when?~*~   ~~ Hillel — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

Hi, Gina, Welcome to ASAPM! Jackie reply was very informative.  When you mention not being able to get motivated this could be depression. smiles, Elise

hello, i am new to all this anxiety stuff. i just need some answers. i am on zoloft. some days i feel ok but like im in a dream and things seem distance. some days i’m tired but yet feel restless, like im sleepy and want to sleep but im restless and yet i cannot get motivated to do anything. is this just part of the anxiety? much info on anxiety would be helpfull — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

Question:

I had a major PA during class: depersonalization, sweating the works. I know my students noticed this time out. I managed to keep it together long enough to finish class, but this has got to stop. Jamie said he was taking inderal/propranolol at 60mg so I’m going to try that next. I’ve already contacted my NurseP, she said she would get back to me on trying that much propranolol. I felt fine going into work, and OK at the beginning of class and then it just hit. Again. I’m going to say next week that I had the stomach flu all last week. A good excuse I think… — Doug — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

I had a major PA during class: depersonalization, sweating the works. I know my students noticed this time out. I managed to keep it together long enough to finish class, but this has got to stop. Jamie said he was taking inderal/propranolol at 60mg so I’m going to try that next. I’ve already contacted my NurseP, she said she would get back to me on trying that much propranolol. I felt fine going into work, and OK at the beginning of class and then it just hit. Again. I’m going to say next week that I had the stomach flu all last week. A good excuse I think… — Doug —

Hi Doug.  Are you just taking Inderal?  I take 80mg but there is no way it could block my panic/anxiety just by itself.  It helps with the heart symptoms but the rest will still be as bad as ever IMO.  Have you tried other drugs as well? — _TJ_ <TJ_IREL at YAHOO dot IE — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

That’s really bad news. I’m also taking doxepin but it does nothing for PA’s. I tried ativan, but it was always at a low dose so it never helped either. When I first began using inderal it stopped my PA’s dead. It was great, but now it doesn’t seem to be working… — Doug

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi Doug.  Are you just taking Inderal?  I take 80mg but there is no way it could block my panic/anxiety just by itself.  It helps with the heart symptoms but the rest will still be as bad as ever IMO.  Have you tried other drugs as well? — _TJ_ <TJ_IREL at YAHOO dot IE — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

That’s really bad news. I’m also taking doxepin but it does nothing for PA’s. I tried ativan, but it was always at a low dose so it never helped either. When I first began using inderal it stopped my PA’s dead. It was great, but now it doesn’t seem to be working… — Doug

It’s not necessarily bad news – Inderal may not do the whole job for me, but it might do it for you at the right dose!  Actually, I would say Inderal is the best drug I’ve ever had.  All the rest had little effect or else had nasty side-effects.  Inderal is the only one I’ve stayed on  If I didn’t at least have that I would probably go mad. Is it successfully blocking the heart symptoms for you at least?  You might try some of the SSRIs if doxepin is no good – doxepin can make your heart race after all. Don’t forget,  panic/anxiety symptoms feel nasty but they are totally harmless.  No one has ever died of a panic attack yet! — _TJ_ <TJ_IREL at YAHOO dot IE — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

TJ, I can’t go on having full-blown PA’s while I’m teaching. I can’t do it. I begin sweating and it’s noticeable. The inderal seemed to keep my heart from racing, which is good. I always recover eventually. This whole week full of PA’s has been depressing. I take my doxepin at night, and it’s never caused me any problems. It just makes me tired. I’m sick of anxiety… — Doug

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – That’s really bad news. I’m also taking doxepin but it does nothing for PA’s. I tried ativan, but it was always at a low dose so it never helped either. When I first began using inderal it stopped my PA’s dead. It was great, but now it doesn’t seem to be working… — Doug It’s not necessarily bad news – Inderal may not do the whole job for me, but it might do it for you at the right dose!  Actually, I would say Inderal is the best drug I’ve ever had.  All the rest had little effect or else had nasty side-effects.  Inderal is the only one I’ve stayed on  If I didn’t at least have that I would probably go mad. Is it successfully blocking the heart symptoms for you at least?  You might try some of the SSRIs if doxepin is no good – doxepin can make your heart race after all. Don’t forget,  panic/anxiety symptoms feel nasty but they are totally harmless.  No one has ever died of a panic attack yet! — _TJ_ <TJ_IREL at YAHOO dot IE — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

::I had a major PA during class: depersonalization, sweating the works. I know ::my students noticed this time out. I managed to keep it together long enough ::to finish class, but this has got to stop. Jamie said he was taking ::inderal/propranolol at 60mg so I’m going to try that next. I’ve already ::contacted my NurseP, she said she would get back to me on trying that much ::propranolol. :: ::I felt fine going into work, and OK at the beginning of class and then it ::just hit. Again. :: ::I’m going to say next week that I had the stomach flu all last week. A good ::excuse I think… Dear Doug, I`m really sorry about your panic. If your NP gives you permission to try 60mgs, try it at home first. It could make you very groggy. You want to know exactly how it will affect you before you go driving and teaching. I also think it`s time to talk to someone as to why you are having a dramatic increase in panic attacks. If it continues, you should consider talking to a psychologist.  Take care! Jackie ~*~I`m an angel! Honest The horns are just there to keep my halo up straight~*~ — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

Hi, Doug…. I’m not at all familiar with the Inderal/Propanalol… and I see that you have tried Ativan.  But have you ever been prescribed Xanax?  If your doc is not a benzo phobe, it might be worth a try. If I remember correctly, your students are college level.  Is there even the remotest possibility that you could share with them some of what you are going through?  I know that may sound drastic… and scary.  But I’d be willing to bet that you would find them to be much more understanding than you might expect…. and you may even find that some of them have had similar feelings/experiences. Just a thought.  I feel for you.  I have been in a classroom setting with panic/anxiety…..  and I have also been a student in many classrooms sweating my way through panic attacks. Wishing you well… MikeH

I had a major PA during class: depersonalization, sweating the works. I know my students noticed this time out. I managed to keep it together long enough to finish class, but this has got to stop. Jamie said he was taking inderal/propranolol at 60mg so I’m going to try that next. I’ve already contacted my NurseP, she said she would get back to me on trying that much propranolol. I felt fine going into work, and OK at the beginning of class and then it just hit. Again. I’m going to say next week that I had the stomach flu all last week. A good excuse I think… — Doug

 . — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

Thanks for the replies TJ. I just know the anticipatory anxiety is gonna be killing me now. — Doug

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – That’s really bad news. I’m also taking doxepin but it does nothing for PA’s. I tried ativan, but it was always at a low dose so it never helped either. When I first began using inderal it stopped my PA’s dead. It was great, but now it doesn’t seem to be working… — Doug It’s not necessarily bad news – Inderal may not do the whole job for me, but it might do it for you at the right dose!  Actually, I would say Inderal is the best drug I’ve ever had.  All the rest had little effect or else had nasty side-effects.  Inderal is the only one I’ve stayed on  If I didn’t at least have that I would probably go mad. Is it successfully blocking the heart symptoms for you at least?  You might try some of the SSRIs if doxepin is no good – doxepin can make your heart race after all. Don’t forget,  panic/anxiety symptoms feel nasty but they are totally harmless.  No one has ever died of a panic attack yet! — _TJ_ <TJ_IREL at YAHOO dot IE — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

Question:

Have you ever had an out-of-body experience? How about an out-of-mind experience?

No, never had the pleasure. I once managed to stop thinking for about an hour, which was nice, but I don’t think that counts as an out-of-mind experience. I’ve certainly been out of my mind before! :-0 Ian — http://sundry.ws/ — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

::Have you ever had an out-of-body experience? When I eat a Peppermint Patty! :: How about an out-of-mind experience? Derealization/depersonalization. Jackie ~*~I`m an angel! Honest The horns are just there to keep my halo up straight~*~ — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

5/07/06: Todays question is being brought to you by one of our very own anon poster`s Have you ever had an out-of-body experience?

Not really.  Just a really bad depersonalization episode where I sort of felt that way.   How about an out-of-mind experience?

Sure.  It started in 1961. Tony — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

Yes…. On the ceiling looking down at the living room where me and a group of friends were watching a movie.  Same night I had my first PA.  Also smoked some weed which I am sure contributed…. d

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – 5/07/06: Todays question is being brought to you by one of our very own anon poster`s Have you ever had an out-of-body experience? How about an out-of-mind experience? Jackie ~*~I`m an angel! Honest The horns are just there to keep my halo up straight~*~ — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

Not that I remember. smiles, Elise

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – 5/07/06: Todays question is being brought to you by one of our very own anon poster`s Have you ever had an out-of-body experience? How about an out-of-mind experience? Jackie ~*~I`m an angel! Honest The horns are just there to keep my halo up straight~*~ — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

5/07/06: Todays question is being brought to you by one of our very own anon poster`s Have you ever had an out-of-body experience?

No  How about an out-of-mind experience?

Yes. Sally — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

5/07/06: Todays question is being brought to you by one of our very own anon poster`s Have you ever had an out-of-body experience? How about an out-of-mind experience?

I think that I am mostly "out of my mind" already!! — Ron P If it doesn’t hurt today, it probably will tomorrow. — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

5/07/06: Todays question is being brought to you by one of our very own anon poster`s Have you ever had an out-of-body experience? How about an out-of-mind experience? Jackie

Last time I took Seroquel I was definitely out of my mind for a time.  Never again! — _TJ_ <TJ_IREL at YAHOO dot IE — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

5/07/06: Todays question is being brought to you by one of our very own anon poster`s Have you ever had an out-of-body experience? How about an out-of-mind experience? Jackie ~*~I`m an angel! Honest The horns are just there to keep my halo up straight~*~ — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

5/07/06: Todays question is being brought to you by one of our very own anon poster`s Have you ever had an out-of-body experience?

Yes. It was during a most intense LSD trip. I watched myself from a short distance. As I recall it was quite enjoyable.  I also saw several small purple milkmaids on the wall, so … grain of salt. How about an out-of-mind experience? Pert’near every day. Deirdre — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

5/07/06: Todays question is being brought to you by one of our very own anon poster`s Have you ever had an out-of-body experience?

One time a long time ago I was listening to the finale of Sibelius Symphony No. 5 and I felt like I was lifted off the bed. How about an out-of-mind experience?

No. Chip — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

Have you ever had an out-of-body experience? One time a long time ago I was listening to the finale of Sibelius Symphony No. 5 and I felt like I was lifted off the bed.

When I related that experience to my roommates in med school over the dinner table that night, they all laughed at me and made fun. Assholes! Should have called them that then! Chip — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

Question:

<gently snipped ::The up side is this: I finally asked for help with cleaning my room. ::Actual physical help. I don’t know exactly what day this will start on, ::but it will be within 2 weeks. A schedule needs to be arranged with the ::cleaning service. It’s not going to be cheap, but it will be worth ::every penny. And it will take time – must be done in stages over time. ::That gives me something to look forward to. Relief AND and clean ::bedroom. :: ::Sorry to ramble and rave like this but my head just doesn’t feel like ::it’s firmly attached and I had to broadcast my freakout. ::Love to all ::Deirdre Dear Deirdre, I wish I could come over and give you a great big hug! I want nothing more than for you to experience some peace and happiness in your life. I am so thrilled that you asked for help cleaning your room. That is a huge step in the right direction. That spacey, disengaged feeling may be "derealization/depersonalization". It is a scary feeling but not dangerous. It`s a pretty common anxiety/panic symptom. ~*~Derealization means that things around you become strange, unreal, foggy, or detached from you. Said one patient: II feel I’m in another world. It’s like I know I’m there, but I’m really not. I feel removed from the situation I’m in. I feel like I’m in another dimension-like a hollow or vacuum-outside the situation I’m in. It’s like watching the whole thing from a distance." And anotehr felt "like I was looking at everything through the wrong end of a telescope-it seemed to get more distant and smaller. Sometimes the opposite would happen and everything would feel closer and larger. One day I was going to cross the street and I got this feeling. I felt that if I stepped off the sidewalk, I would sink into a deep abyss andnever make it to the other side of the street, it seemed so far away."~*~ http://www.angelfire.com/ia/starcollector/dereal.html http://www.artsci.co.uk/unreal/ (((((Deirdre))))) Jackie ~*~My greatest fear is there is no such thing as PMS and this is really my personality~*~ — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

Hi, Deirdre, I just spent an hour typing this post and my lazy left hand sat on some key too long or god knows what but I lost the whole post. Typical of how I feel. It was probably the ‘control’ key, which is ironic because ‘control’ is the last thing I feel right now.

***Oh no, I have done this also.  It’s an awful feeling after you’ve taken so much time to write your thoughts and feelings down the way you want them to come out… I’m quite sure I can’t recreate the post. I’m just going to list some things.

***We understand. Meds:  I have enrolled in a Medicare Part D plan, scared to use it, need my Prozac refilled, not sure if I can still use the patient assistance program, never get a human being on the phone just voice mail, I hope my pdoc is back from vacation, if he’s not don’t know how I can get meds, by Wednesday.

***Take the Medicare Part D one step at a time.  Many peiople have been scared and flustered by the change.  Change tends to worry and scare us but once we adjust it gets as easy as what we were used to.  I hope you get the meds refilled before Wednesday so you aren’t worrying over this. For a couple weeks been feeling somewhat spacy, disengaged from what’s going on around me. It isn’t a bad feeling, but I know it’s not ‘normal’. Is abnormal okay if it feels good?

***Do you think it’s anxiety from built up stress?  I know you’ve gone through a lot lately and stress is going to come out some way, some how??? My cat has always had only white whiskers. Now suddenly he has two black ones. Does that mean he’s getting old, or sick, or what does it mean? He’s taken to snoring very loudly. Can’t afford a vet right now, maybe it means nothing. Why does this bother me?

***I don’t know much about cats but my daughter’s dog is going to be 3 and has a few gray hairs.  It upsets her but we remind her of the life span of a dog. LOL!  My dog snores as loud as I do.  I really think it’s sinus issues for my dog.  Could this be so for your cat? My sleep specialist sent me a letter saying she will no longer bill insurance companies, including Medicare, so I have to find another doc, and that overwhelms me something awful.

***One step at a time.  Change is scary but can be done… My brother still hates me, and I’d just as soon he disappear off the planet, except for the fact that Mom would miss him.  I meditated about him last night and got absolutely no where. I want to forgive him but it’s so hard.  I’d rather kick him down a flight of stairs, but that’s not going to happen.

***Time…  It takes time to forgive someone when they’ve hurt you so badly. And more so if you don’t feel they want to resolve the problem(s)… What if it turns out that I am ultimately not fixable? All these years of therapy and meds, and I still feel like crap. What if it’s all a waste of time. I know I know — the "what ifs" are not recommended at best, but honestly — maybe there’s some better way for me. I don’t know what that is.

***I feel this way at times.  So many years gone by that I’ve lived with this damn disorder but hey, we are still here.  Struggling through each day. Find time to appreciate the little things in life.  Be glad your mom is still with you.  Work on resolving your medical issues and doctor issues. Say nice things about yourself TO yourself… I want to shave my head. Mom would have a very large cow if I did that, so I won’t. I just hate my hair and all the years of shampoo and other products haven’t made it look like silk.  Plus it’s falling out anyway. Along with my teeth.

***Don’t be so hard on yourself, Deirdre.  We are all aging and discovering new things everyday that we don’t like.  My hair is thinning some also.  So I’m trying to find a new way to wear it…haven’t found one yet but STILL looking.  Personally, I’d rather shove the top layer into a barrette and scrunch the rest. I really do look hideous. I tried smiling in the mirror this morning and all I could see was fatigue and decay.  I was kind of pretty once, for a while. I know it’s not the physical that matters, but it would be nice not to look like a demented sack of potatoes.

***Look into that mirror and say something nice to yourself!!!  You are a kind and understanding woman.  Give yourself credit for at least that and then start building on complimenting yourself for a shirt you have on, the way your hair might look on a particular day, etc… Oh poor pitiful me — what a stupid post this is.

***We all need a pity party for ourselves once in a while… ((((((DEIRDRE)))))) The up side is this: I finally asked for help with cleaning my room. Actual physical help. I don’t know exactly what day this will start on, but it will be within 2 weeks. A schedule needs to be arranged with the cleaning service. It’s not going to be cheap, but it will be worth every penny. And it will take time – must be done in stages over time. That gives me something to look forward to. Relief AND and clean bedroom.

***Yeah!  So glad you took this step.  It will be worth every penny and just think of how nice it will look when it’s cleaned and organized… Sorry to ramble and rave like this but my head just doesn’t feel like it’s firmly attached and I had to broadcast my freakout.

***Ramble away whenever you need to ma’am… smiles, Elise Love to all Deirdre — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

::I posted this three months ago. Why is it showing up now? Because you have now entered the twilight zone <insert spooky music Jackie ~*~Time heals all wounds, unless you pick at them~*~ — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

I posted this three months ago. Why is it showing up now? — Doug

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Don’t be so hard on yourself Deirdre. Life’s rough enough as it is. Just remember you have good points too. I can think of at least two good things about you right off the top of my head: you’re kind and considerate. If your brother hasn’t asked forgiveness for whatever he’s done (to you?) don’t worry about not forgiving him (especially if he’s still doing it)… — Doug Hi everyone, I just spent an hour typing this post and my lazy left hand sat on some key too long or god knows what but I lost the whole post. Typical of how I feel. It was probably the ‘control’ key, which is ironic because ‘control’ is the last thing I feel right now. I’m quite sure I can’t recreate the post. I’m just going to list some things. Meds:  I have enrolled in a Medicare Part D plan, scared to use it, need my Prozac refilled, not sure if I can still use the patient assistance program, never get a human being on the phone just voice mail, I hope my pdoc is back from vacation, if he’s not don’t know how I can get meds, by Wednesday. For a couple weeks been feeling somewhat spacy, disengaged from what’s going on around me. It isn’t a bad feeling, but I know it’s not ‘normal’. Is abnormal okay if it feels good? My cat has always had only white whiskers. Now suddenly he has two black ones. Does that mean he’s getting old, or sick, or what does it mean? He’s taken to snoring very loudly. Can’t afford a vet right now, maybe it means nothing. Why does this bother me? My sleep specialist sent me a letter saying she will no longer bill insurance companies, including Medicare, so I have to find another doc, and that overwhelms me something awful. My brother still hates me, and I’d just as soon he disappear off the planet, except for the fact that Mom would miss him.  I meditated about him last night and got absolutely no where. I want to forgive him but it’s so hard.  I’d rather kick him down a flight of stairs, but that’s not going to happen. What if it turns out that I am ultimately not fixable? All these years of therapy and meds, and I still feel like crap. What if it’s all a waste of time. I know I know — the "what ifs" are not recommended at best, but honestly — maybe there’s some better way for me. I don’t know what that is. I want to shave my head. Mom would have a very large cow if I did that, so I won’t. I just hate my hair and all the years of shampoo and other products haven’t made it look like silk.  Plus it’s falling out anyway. Along with my teeth. I really do look hideous. I tried smiling in the mirror this morning and all I could see was fatigue and decay.  I was kind of pretty once, for a while. I know it’s not the physical that matters, but it would be nice not to look like a demented sack of potatoes. Oh poor pitiful me — what a stupid post this is. The up side is this: I finally asked for help with cleaning my room. Actual physical help. I don’t know exactly what day this will start on, but it will be within 2 weeks. A schedule needs to be arranged with the cleaning service. It’s not going to be cheap, but it will be worth every penny. And it will take time – must be done in stages over time. That gives me something to look forward to. Relief AND and clean bedroom. Sorry to ramble and rave like this but my head just doesn’t feel like it’s firmly attached and I had to broadcast my freakout. Love to all Deirdre — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

Hi everyone, I just spent an hour typing this post and my lazy left hand sat on some key too long or god knows what but I lost the whole post. Typical of how I feel. It was probably the ‘control’ key, which is ironic because ‘control’ is the last thing I feel right now. I’m quite sure I can’t recreate the post. I’m just going to list some things. Meds:  I have enrolled in a Medicare Part D plan, scared to use it, need my Prozac refilled, not sure if I can still use the patient assistance program, never get a human being on the phone just voice mail, I hope my pdoc is back from vacation, if he’s not don’t know how I can get meds, by Wednesday. For a couple weeks been feeling somewhat spacy, disengaged from what’s going on around me. It isn’t a bad feeling, but I know it’s not ‘normal’. Is abnormal okay if it feels good? My cat has always had only white whiskers. Now suddenly he has two black ones. Does that mean he’s getting old, or sick, or what does it mean? He’s taken to snoring very loudly. Can’t afford a vet right now, maybe it means nothing. Why does this bother me? My sleep specialist sent me a letter saying she will no longer bill insurance companies, including Medicare, so I have to find another doc, and that overwhelms me something awful. My brother still hates me, and I’d just as soon he disappear off the planet, except for the fact that Mom would miss him.  I meditated about him last night and got absolutely no where. I want to forgive him but it’s so hard.  I’d rather kick him down a flight of stairs, but that’s not going to happen. What if it turns out that I am ultimately not fixable? All these years of therapy and meds, and I still feel like crap. What if it’s all a waste of time. I know I know — the "what ifs" are not recommended at best, but honestly — maybe there’s some better way for me. I don’t know what that is. I want to shave my head. Mom would have a very large cow if I did that, so I won’t. I just hate my hair and all the years of shampoo and other products haven’t made it look like silk.  Plus it’s falling out anyway. Along with my teeth. I really do look hideous. I tried smiling in the mirror this morning and all I could see was fatigue and decay.  I was kind of pretty once, for a while. I know it’s not the physical that matters, but it would be nice not to look like a demented sack of potatoes. Oh poor pitiful me — what a stupid post this is. The up side is this: I finally asked for help with cleaning my room. Actual physical help. I don’t know exactly what day this will start on, but it will be within 2 weeks. A schedule needs to be arranged with the cleaning service. It’s not going to be cheap, but it will be worth every penny. And it will take time – must be done in stages over time. That gives me something to look forward to. Relief AND and clean bedroom. Sorry to ramble and rave like this but my head just doesn’t feel like it’s firmly attached and I had to broadcast my freakout. Love to all Deirdre — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

Hey Deirdre. That sounds pretty horrible. I hope you start feeling more yourself. You know, the best advice for me in one of Jackie’s self-help posts is: "Do things slowly." This has always helped when I’m feeling overwhelmed. Keep sloggin’ on. There may not be a cure, but if you can enjoy the moment, even briefly, you’ll have achieved something that a lot of people can’t even do. Ian — http://sundry.ws/ — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

{{{{{Deirdre}}}}}  So sorry you’re feeling like this.  I have to throw myself a pity party once in a while too, just to survive.  :-)  I’m so glad someone is going to help you clean your room.  I think that will help you feel a little better.  Don’t talk about hair.  You should see mine.  LOL Isn’t it awful when you need to talk to a human being and you get nothing but a recorded voice.  I hate that!  Better days ahead sweetie. Love, Di xxx

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi everyone, I just spent an hour typing this post and my lazy left hand sat on some key too long or god knows what but I lost the whole post. Typical of how I feel. It was probably the ‘control’ key, which is ironic because ‘control’ is the last thing I feel right now. I’m quite sure I can’t recreate the post. I’m just going to list some things. Meds:  I have enrolled in a Medicare Part D plan, scared to use it, need my Prozac refilled, not sure if I can still use the patient assistance program, never get a human being on the phone just voice mail, I hope my pdoc is back from vacation, if he’s not don’t know how I can get meds, by Wednesday. For a couple weeks been feeling somewhat spacy, disengaged from what’s going on around me. It isn’t a bad feeling, but I know it’s not ‘normal’. Is abnormal okay if it feels good? My cat has always had only white whiskers. Now suddenly he has two black ones. Does that mean he’s getting old, or sick, or what does it mean? He’s taken to snoring very loudly. Can’t afford a vet right now, maybe it means nothing. Why does this bother me? My sleep specialist sent me a letter saying she will no longer bill insurance companies, including Medicare, so I have to find another doc, and that overwhelms me something awful. My brother still hates me, and I’d just as soon he disappear off the planet, except for the fact that Mom would miss him.  I meditated about him last night and got absolutely no where. I want to forgive him but it’s so hard.  I’d rather kick him down a flight of stairs, but that’s not going to happen. What if it turns out that I am ultimately not fixable? All these years of therapy and meds, and I still feel like crap. What if it’s all a waste of time. I know I know — the "what ifs" are not recommended at best, but honestly — maybe there’s some better way for me. I don’t know what that is. I want to shave my head. Mom would have a very large cow if I did that, so I won’t. I just hate my hair and all the years of shampoo and other products haven’t made it look like silk.  Plus it’s falling out anyway. Along with my teeth. I really do look hideous. I tried smiling in the mirror this morning and all I could see was fatigue and decay.  I was kind of pretty once, for a while. I know it’s not the physical that matters, but it would be nice not to look like a demented sack of potatoes. Oh poor pitiful me — what a stupid post this is. The up side is this: I finally asked for help with cleaning my room. Actual physical help. I don’t know exactly what day this will start on, but it will be within 2 weeks. A schedule needs to be arranged with the cleaning service. It’s not going to be cheap, but it will be worth every penny. And it will take time – must be done in stages over time. That gives me something to look forward to. Relief AND and clean bedroom. Sorry to ramble and rave like this but my head just doesn’t feel like it’s firmly attached and I had to broadcast my freakout. Love to all Deirdre

– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi everyone, I just spent an hour typing this post and my lazy left hand sat on some key too long or god knows what but I lost the whole post. Typical of how I feel. It was probably the ‘control’ key, which is ironic because ‘control’ is the last thing I feel right now. I’m quite sure I can’t recreate the post. I’m just going to list some things. Meds:  I have enrolled in a Medicare Part D plan, scared to use it, need my Prozac refilled, not sure if I can still use the patient assistance program, never get a human being on the phone just voice mail, I hope my pdoc is back from vacation, if he’s not don’t know how I can get meds, by Wednesday. For a couple weeks been feeling somewhat spacy, disengaged from what’s going on around me. It isn’t a bad feeling, but I know it’s not ‘normal’. Is abnormal okay if it feels good? My cat has always had only white whiskers. Now suddenly he has two black ones. Does that mean he’s getting old, or sick, or what does it mean? He’s taken to snoring very loudly. Can’t afford a vet right now, maybe it means nothing. Why does this bother me? My sleep specialist sent me a letter saying she will no longer bill insurance companies, including Medicare, so I have to find another doc, and that overwhelms me something awful. My brother still hates me, and I’d just as soon he disappear off the planet, except for the fact that Mom would miss him.  I meditated about him last night and got absolutely no where. I want to forgive him but it’s so hard.  I’d rather kick him down a flight of stairs, but that’s not going to happen. What if it turns out that I am ultimately not fixable? All these years of therapy and meds, and I still feel like crap. What if it’s all a waste of time. I know I know — the "what ifs" are not recommended at best, but honestly — maybe there’s some better way for me. I don’t know what that is. I want to shave my head. Mom would have a very large cow if I did that, so I won’t. I just hate my hair and all the years of shampoo and other products haven’t made it look like silk.  Plus it’s falling out anyway. Along with my teeth. I really do look hideous. I tried smiling in the mirror this morning and all I could see was fatigue and decay.  I was kind of pretty once, for a while. I know it’s not the physical that matters, but it would be nice not to look like a demented sack of potatoes. Oh poor pitiful me — what a stupid post this is. The up side is this: I finally asked for help with cleaning my room. Actual physical help. I don’t know exactly what day this will start on, but it will be within 2 weeks. A schedule needs to be arranged with the cleaning service. It’s not going to be cheap, but it will be worth every penny. And it will take time – must be done in stages over time. That gives me something to look forward to. Relief AND and clean bedroom. Sorry to ramble and rave like this but my head just doesn’t feel like it’s firmly attached and I had to broadcast my freakout. Love to all Deirdre

Sorry that you’re freaking out Deirdre. You are not alone. This isn’t a stupid post. Sometimes, you just have to "let it all hang out!" ((((((((((Deirdre)))))))))))) — Ron P I’m an EXPERT….a has-been under pressure<;-) — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

Hi Deidre, Don’t you just hare it when you delete everything but you have still managed to rewrite. Come to think of it a RL delete key could be useful. You have much on your plate but you are taking steps to manage. One thing at a time works for me right now. Aging is not fun. Many $$$ are spent on products to try to reverse it. One step at a time. Meryl – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi everyone, I just spent an hour typing this post and my lazy left hand sat on some key too long or god knows what but I lost the whole post. Typical of how I feel. It was probably the ‘control’ key, which is ironic because ‘control’ is the last thing I feel right now. I’m quite sure I can’t recreate the post. I’m just going to list some things. Meds:  I have enrolled in a Medicare Part D plan, scared to use it, need my Prozac refilled, not sure if I can still use the patient assistance program, never get a human being on the phone just voice mail, I hope my pdoc is back from vacation, if he’s not don’t know how I can get meds, by Wednesday. For a couple weeks been feeling somewhat spacy, disengaged from what’s going on around me. It isn’t a bad feeling, but I know it’s not ‘normal’. Is abnormal okay if it feels good? My cat has always had only white whiskers. Now suddenly he has two black ones. Does that mean he’s getting old, or sick, or what does it mean? He’s taken to snoring very loudly. Can’t afford a vet right now, maybe it means nothing. Why does this bother me? My sleep specialist sent me a letter saying she will no longer bill insurance companies, including Medicare, so I have to find another doc, and that overwhelms me something awful. My brother still hates me, and I’d just as soon he disappear off the planet, except for the fact that Mom would miss him.  I meditated about him last night and got absolutely no where. I want to forgive him but it’s so hard.  I’d rather kick him down a flight of stairs, but that’s not going to happen. What if it turns out that I am ultimately not fixable? All these years of therapy and meds, and I still feel like crap. What if it’s all a waste of time. I know I know — the "what ifs" are not recommended at best, but honestly — maybe there’s some better way for me. I don’t know what that is. I want to shave my head. Mom would have a very large cow if I did that, so I won’t. I just hate my hair and all the years of shampoo and other products haven’t made it look like silk.  Plus it’s falling out anyway. Along with my teeth. I really do look hideous. I tried smiling in the mirror this morning and all I could see was fatigue and decay.  I was kind of pretty once, for a while. I know it’s not the physical that matters, but it would be nice not to look like a demented sack of potatoes. Oh poor pitiful me — what a stupid post this is. The up side is this: I finally asked for help with cleaning my room. Actual physical help. I don’t know exactly what day this will start on, but it will be within 2 weeks. A schedule needs to be arranged with the cleaning service. It’s not going to be cheap, but it will be worth every penny. And it will take time – must be done in stages over time. That gives me something to look forward to. Relief AND and clean bedroom. Sorry to ramble and rave like this but my head just doesn’t feel like it’s firmly attached and I had to broadcast my freakout. Love to all Deirdre — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

Hi, Doug, Some others said that the other day they received older posts also.  I didn’t, but then who knows when you’re on the net… smiles, Elise

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I posted this three months ago. Why is it showing up now? — Doug Don’t be so hard on yourself Deirdre. Life’s rough enough as it is. Just remember you have good points too. I can think of at least two good things about you right off the top of my head: you’re kind and considerate. If your brother hasn’t asked forgiveness for whatever he’s done (to you?) don’t worry about not forgiving him (especially if he’s still doing it)… — Doug Hi everyone, I just spent an hour typing this post and my lazy left hand sat on some key too long or god knows what but I lost the whole post. Typical of how I feel. It was probably the ‘control’ key, which is ironic because ‘control’ is the last thing I feel right now. I’m quite sure I can’t recreate the post. I’m just going to list some things. Meds:  I have enrolled in a Medicare Part D plan, scared to use it, need my Prozac refilled, not sure if I can still use the patient assistance program, never get a human being on the phone just voice mail, I hope my pdoc is back from vacation, if he’s not don’t know how I can get meds, by Wednesday. For a couple weeks been feeling somewhat spacy, disengaged from what’s going on around me. It isn’t a bad feeling, but I know it’s not ‘normal’. Is abnormal okay if it feels good? My cat has always had only white whiskers. Now suddenly he has two black ones. Does that mean he’s getting old, or sick, or what does it mean? He’s taken to snoring very loudly. Can’t afford a vet right now, maybe it means nothing. Why does this bother me? My sleep specialist sent me a letter saying she will no longer bill insurance companies, including Medicare, so I have to find another doc, and that overwhelms me something awful. My brother still hates me, and I’d just as soon he disappear off the planet, except for the fact that Mom would miss him.  I meditated about him last night and got absolutely no where. I want to forgive him but it’s so hard.  I’d rather kick him down a flight of stairs, but that’s not going to happen. What if it turns out that I am ultimately not fixable? All these years of therapy and meds, and I still feel like crap. What if it’s all a waste of time. I know I know — the "what ifs" are not recommended at best, but honestly — maybe there’s some better way for me. I don’t know what that is. I want to shave my head. Mom would have a very large cow if I did that, so I won’t. I just hate my hair and all the years of shampoo and other products haven’t made it look like silk.  Plus it’s falling out anyway. Along with my teeth. I really do look hideous. I tried smiling in the mirror this morning and all I could see was fatigue and decay.  I was kind of pretty once, for a while. I know it’s not the physical that matters, but it would be nice not to look like a demented sack of potatoes. Oh poor pitiful me — what a stupid post this is. The up side is this: I finally asked for help with cleaning my room. Actual physical help. I don’t know exactly what day this will start on, but it will be within 2 weeks. A schedule needs to be arranged with the cleaning service. It’s not going to be cheap, but it will be worth every penny. And it will take time – must be done in stages over time. That gives me something to look forward to. Relief AND and clean bedroom. Sorry to ramble and rave like this but my head just doesn’t feel like it’s firmly attached and I had to broadcast my freakout. Love to all Deirdre — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

Don’t be so hard on yourself Deirdre. Life’s rough enough as it is. Just remember you have good points too. I can think of at least two good things about you right off the top of my head: you’re kind and considerate. If your brother hasn’t asked forgiveness for whatever he’s done (to you?) don’t worry about not forgiving him (especially if he’s still doing it)… — Doug

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi everyone, I just spent an hour typing this post and my lazy left hand sat on some key too long or god knows what but I lost the whole post. Typical of how I feel. It was probably the ‘control’ key, which is ironic because ‘control’ is the last thing I feel right now. I’m quite sure I can’t recreate the post. I’m just going to list some things. Meds:  I have enrolled in a Medicare Part D plan, scared to use it, need my Prozac refilled, not sure if I can still use the patient assistance program, never get a human being on the phone just voice mail, I hope my pdoc is back from vacation, if he’s not don’t know how I can get meds, by Wednesday. For a couple weeks been feeling somewhat spacy, disengaged from what’s going on around me. It isn’t a bad feeling, but I know it’s not ‘normal’. Is abnormal okay if it feels good? My cat has always had only white whiskers. Now suddenly he has two black ones. Does that mean he’s getting old, or sick, or what does it mean? He’s taken to snoring very loudly. Can’t afford a vet right now, maybe it means nothing. Why does this bother me? My sleep specialist sent me a letter saying she will no longer bill insurance companies, including Medicare, so I have to find another doc, and that overwhelms me something awful. My brother still hates me, and I’d just as soon he disappear off the planet, except for the fact that Mom would miss him.  I meditated about him last night and got absolutely no where. I want to forgive him but it’s so hard.  I’d rather kick him down a flight of stairs, but that’s not going to happen. What if it turns out that I am ultimately not fixable? All these years of therapy and meds, and I still feel like crap. What if it’s all a waste of time. I know I know — the "what ifs" are not recommended at best, but honestly — maybe there’s some better way for me. I don’t know what that is. I want to shave my head. Mom would have a very large cow if I did that, so I won’t. I just hate my hair and all the years of shampoo and other products haven’t made it look like silk.  Plus it’s falling out anyway. Along with my teeth. I really do look hideous. I tried smiling in the mirror this morning and all I could see was fatigue and decay.  I was kind of pretty once, for a while. I know it’s not the physical that matters, but it would be nice not to look like a demented sack of potatoes. Oh poor pitiful me — what a stupid post this is. The up side is this: I finally asked for help with cleaning my room. Actual physical help. I don’t know exactly what day this will start on, but it will be within 2 weeks. A schedule needs to be arranged with the cleaning service. It’s not going to be cheap, but it will be worth every penny. And it will take time – must be done in stages over time. That gives me something to look forward to. Relief AND and clean bedroom. Sorry to ramble and rave like this but my head just doesn’t feel like it’s firmly attached and I had to broadcast my freakout. Love to all Deirdre — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

I love you people. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you. Deirdre — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

(((hi you))) Your honesty is one of the most beautiful things about you.  One of them.  I wish I could let it out like you do, and I sometimes do, but only a select few because of fear of rejection ( a trait in myself that I fight constantly).  You actually have made me reconsider my fear of rejection.  Seems to me, the more honest YOU are, the more we love you (all of us, Deirdre, not just me.) And if I decide to unload like this, everybody better look out, because I have some major issues that even freak out my therapist. I can’t say anything to you that I haven’t already said in email about a billion times by now.  The whiskers thing. I’ll surf and find out. I’m not alarmed by that. More like intrigued.  It doesn’t sound like an "illness"  sounds more like some gene that’s just been waiting to surface after all these years.  Sorta like the fact that I never looked anything like my mother until about age 43, and now I do.  I’ll check out the whiskers best I can. The part D thing.. why not call a pharmacy?  Have you ever looked into those drive thru pharmacies I told you about?  I can tell you this.. I’d rather pay a LITTLE (not a lot you know how "economical" I am) and go through a drive through than go to a place like YOU do to pick up meds for free.  You better believe I would.  Hell yes.  There are positives and negatives to EVERYTHING in life. And I do think that’s a positive.. to not have to go to that clinic to pick up your meds.  Let your fingers do the walking, you go nowhere, and I know you’re not phone phobic.  So call some pharmacies, see what happens.  They are dealing with this stuff even more than we are. Deirdre.. one thing you can’t tell yourself.  You can’t tell yourself that nobody cares about you or loves you.  You know how I feel about the other stuff you talked about.  And let it out, girl.  It’s good to let it out.  I may try that one of these days.  OH boy. I’m honest.. but you’re brutally honest..and it’s so refreshing and so beautiful. I still want to know what credentials your brother has that makes him the ultimate authority and CAPABLE to judge anyone, including you.  I want some sort of certificate or a badge or something that he got that makes him you judge and jury.  He must have one lying around somewhere.. I would like to see it.  And I want to meet him, because he’s apparently one powerful person, and he’s perfect, too. He doesn’t have struggles, and I guess he must be perfect in every way.  He’s especially good at treating you well.  I hope he reads this.  And if he does.. I hope he emails me.  I would like to discuss this with him and leave you out of it. You know how I feel, and you know I’m here for you always.  And be glad you and I disagree about YOU.  If I felt like you do about you, boy would I run, LOL.  Yes I would run so fast. Love you, Sally – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi everyone, I just spent an hour typing this post and my lazy left hand sat on some key too long or god knows what but I lost the whole post. Typical of how I feel. It was probably the ‘control’ key, which is ironic because ‘control’ is the last thing I feel right now. I’m quite sure I can’t recreate the post. I’m just going to list some things. Meds:  I have enrolled in a Medicare Part D plan, scared to use it, need my Prozac refilled, not sure if I can still use the patient assistance program, never get a human being on the phone just voice mail, I hope my pdoc is back from vacation, if he’s not don’t know how I can get meds, by Wednesday. For a couple weeks been feeling somewhat spacy, disengaged from what’s going on around me. It isn’t a bad feeling, but I know it’s not ‘normal’. Is abnormal okay if it feels good? My cat has always had only white whiskers. Now suddenly he has two black ones. Does that mean he’s getting old, or sick, or what does it mean? He’s taken to snoring very loudly. Can’t afford a vet right now, maybe it means nothing. Why does this bother me? My sleep specialist sent me a letter saying she will no longer bill insurance companies, including Medicare, so I have to find another doc, and that overwhelms me something awful. My brother still hates me, and I’d just as soon he disappear off the planet, except for the fact that Mom would miss him.  I meditated about him last night and got absolutely no where. I want to forgive him but it’s so hard.  I’d rather kick him down a flight of stairs, but that’s not going to happen. What if it turns out that I am ultimately not fixable? All these years of therapy and meds, and I still feel like crap. What if it’s all a waste of time. I know I know — the "what ifs" are not recommended at best, but honestly — maybe there’s some better way for me. I don’t know what that is. I want to shave my head. Mom would have a very large cow if I did that, so I won’t. I just hate my hair and all the years of shampoo and other products haven’t made it look like silk.  Plus it’s falling out anyway. Along with my teeth. I really do look hideous. I tried smiling in the mirror this morning and all I could see was fatigue and decay.  I was kind of pretty once, for a while. I know it’s not the physical that matters, but it would be nice not to look like a demented sack of potatoes. Oh poor pitiful me — what a stupid post this is. The up side is this: I finally asked for help with cleaning my room. Actual physical help. I don’t know exactly what day this will start on, but it will be within 2 weeks. A schedule needs to be arranged with the cleaning service. It’s not going to be cheap, but it will be worth every penny. And it will take time – must be done in stages over time. That gives me something to look forward to. Relief AND and clean bedroom. Sorry to ramble and rave like this but my head just doesn’t feel like it’s firmly attached and I had to broadcast my freakout. Love to all Deirdre — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

Response:

Question:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -" those who can’t walk in another mans shoes without throwing stone is bound to make the same mistakes in glass houses." Firstly, Rich, why is steve getting into my computer, I followed the instructions… Waaaah. Secondly, Steve, if you’re going to use parables, at least get them right, and pick one that has some modicum of applicability to your retort.  Poor thing, how do you manage from day to day?  It must be very hard to be you. G <raises hand G how about if I wear a yamaka? I think though there are few engineers here. Engineers have brains exactly opposite mine. They are settled , and calculating ( sort of like Elliott without the dogs) . I then realized would I rather be in circuit city trying to figure where the tapes are which i need,to  transform and transport  to tape dvd via computer  from a min dv recorder without a firewire wire and then I realized the house is falling apart. Priorities., so I decided to be a mason. How many people think I am not improving? Gary thanks , those who can’t walk in another mans shoes without throwing stone is bound to make the same mistakes in glass houses. Gary

Man you caught that? I almost became a nurse you know lol I will try to do better next time. How is this, Gary is psych nurse who gives meds for condtions that don’t need meds after not even knowing what works for himself ( the short he has been here). . Whats that make you? You know, for a second when you discussed codependents and depersonalization , I thought you actually knew something, but alas, those things sort of didnt exactly click in for too long did it. I guess the supplements that work better and faster are meds. Gary lets ask this for the tenth time, besides the few times you wanted to chuck it all in or  or spend allot of time explaining why you wanted to see someone die, what else keeps you going the next dosing? The next chucking it all in? The mood swings?  lol

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" those who can’t walk in another mans shoes without throwing stone is bound to make the same mistakes in glass houses." Firstly, Rich, why is steve getting into my computer, I followed the instructions… Waaaah. Secondly, Steve, if you’re going to use parables, at least get them right, and pick one that has some modicum of applicability to your retort.  Poor thing, how do you manage from day to day?  It must be very hard to be you. G

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – <raises hand G how about if I wear a yamaka? I think though there are few engineers here. Engineers have brains exactly opposite mine. They are settled , and calculating ( sort of like Elliott without the dogs) . I then realized would I rather be in circuit city trying to figure where the tapes are which i need,to  transform and transport  to tape dvd via computer  from a min dv recorder without a firewire wire and then I realized the house is falling apart. Priorities., so I decided to be a mason. How many people think I am not improving? Gary thanks , those who can’t walk in another mans shoes without throwing stone is bound to make the same mistakes in glass houses.

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how about if I wear a yamaka? I think though there are few engineers here. Engineers have brains exactly opposite mine.

True, the difference is that they have brains

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– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – <raises hand G how about if I wear a yamaka? I think though there are few engineers here. Engineers have brains exactly opposite mine. They are settled , and calculating ( sort of like Elliott without the dogs) . I then realized would I rather be in circuit city trying to figure where the tapes are which i need,to  transform and transport  to tape dvd via computer  from a min dv recorder without a firewire wire and then I realized the house is falling apart. Priorities., so I decided to be a mason. How many people think I am not improving? Gary thanks , those who can’t walk in another mans shoes without throwing stone is bound to make the same mistakes in glass houses.

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<raises hand G

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – how about if I wear a yamaka? I think though there are few engineers here. Engineers have brains exactly opposite mine. They are settled , and calculating ( sort of like Elliott without the dogs) . I then realized would I rather be in circuit city trying to figure where the tapes are which i need,to  transform and transport  to tape dvd via computer  from a min dv recorder without a firewire wire and then I realized the house is falling apart. Priorities., so I decided to be a mason. How many people think I am not improving?

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how about if I wear a yamaka? I think though there are few engineers here. Engineers have brains exactly opposite mine. They are settled , and calculating ( sort of like Elliott without the dogs) . I then realized would I rather be in circuit city trying to figure where the tapes are which i need,to  transform and transport  to tape dvd via computer  from a min dv recorder without a firewire wire and then I realized the house is falling apart. Priorities., so I decided to be a mason. How many people think I am not improving?

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Question:

Day 4 report:  No better, no worse.  Interesting. Since I’m keeping myself pretty well juiced on benzos, I’m doing a little side study on the difference between valium and ativan.  Valium 5mg is a LOT more effective than ativan 1 mg, that’s the conclusion so far. — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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Day 4 report:  No better, no worse.  Interesting. Since I’m keeping myself pretty well juiced on benzos, I’m doing a little side study on the difference between valium and ativan.  Valium 5mg is a LOT more effective than ativan 1 mg, that’s the conclusion so far.

Different strokes for different folks. Go with the Valium if it works for you. Philip — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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As a side-note, my shrink has me on neurontin as an exclusive therapy. Far as I can tell, there’s nobody on earth getting treated (effectively) for gad/panic with neurontin alone — but then, I’m not a shrink.

My shrink wanted to put me on neurontin at first, and after doing some investigating on my own I talked with him and we went with Lexapro instead. So, I’m now on Lexapro and Ativan, but I feel a lot better than I used to so I’m not going to complain.  I’ve also heard that Paxil is one of the hardest SSRI’s to get off of so I wish you the best of luck.  Sounds like you’re making progress. — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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Feeling absolutely crap, from paxil withdrawal, so this is my tiny rant. About 5 months ago, my GP got me on an SSRI, idea being that the very effective benzos weren’t a long-term solution for my gad/panic.  Asked my GP point-blank if the SSRI’s were addictive, and got a point-blank answer that they weren’t.  Started with lexapro, moved to paxil.  Had heavy, normal side-effects and no discernable benefit from either drug.  I took paxil for SIX WEEKS before beginning discontinuation. Discontinuation started cold-turkey — that lasted about 2 days, and I thought I was going to die.  So, after a couple of false starts, I began a discontinuation scheme with (roughly) 2.5 mg steps from my 20 mg dose.  Felt every step, but I could live with it.  Got down 5 mg — 1/4 of a pill — and decided to try stopping.  Breathtaking heart palpitations by day 2.  So, worked my way down to 2.5 mg — 1/8th of a pill — and now I’m trying again.  I can’t cut those damn pills any smaller, and still I feel awful.  The heart stuff is especially spooky;  while I guess nobody’s actually died from paxil withdrawal (except by suicide, of course), it sure feels like something bad is happening. My GP still refuses to call it "withdrawal," insisting that "discontinuation sympthoms" is some kind of significant difference. I’ve really pressed him on this, and I guess he reserves the term "withdrawal" for those few drugs that can actually kill you if you stop them cold-turkey.  So, I reckon my doc would say that you won’t experience withdrawal if you abruptly stop your cigarette or cocaine addiction . . . I’m putting myself on valium vacation for the duration.  Had stepped down to zero or .5 mg of ativan a day — without side-effects, btw, except for delicious return of my underlying messed-up head.  I’m going back to 15 mg of valium until this paxil crap clears up. End rant.  Thanks. — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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<Gently snipped ::Felt every step, but I could live with it.  Got down 5 mg — ::1/4 of a pill — and decided to try stopping.  Breathtaking heart ::palpitations by day 2.  So, worked my way down to 2.5 mg — 1/8th of a ::pill — and now I’m trying again.  I can’t cut those damn pills any ::smaller, and still I feel awful.  The heart stuff is especially spooky; :: while I guess nobody’s actually died from paxil withdrawal (except by ::suicide, of course), it sure feels like something bad is happening. Hi Paul I cannot tolerate decreasing paxil in 5 mg increments. I do much better doing it in 2.5 mg increments.  I`ve heard the last 5 mgs of paxil is such a bitch to get off of for many people. I`m on 10mgs and I`m too chicken to get off completely, although it would be nice to see how I would do without meds. Two suggestions…… one, ask your doctor for a script of liquid paxil. It will allow you to taper in tiny increments. Two, ask your doctor for a beta blocker. It should address your nasty palpitations quite nicely. What`s good about beta blockers is they can be taken "as needed" or "regularly". No sense suffering with a symptom when there is something that could help. Wishing you success and a pain-free taper off of paxil Please keep us updated! Jackie ~*~I have signed a pact with life: we will not get in each other’s way~*~  - Janusz Korczak, Ghetto Diary — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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Thanks Jackie.  I was vague, in my extra-valium/paxil-withdrawal state — I couldn’t do 5 mg steps either.  I got very artful with a paring knife, and managed to cut my 20 mg pills into eighths, so I could do 2.5 mg steps.  Each step was a little rough, but I’m particularly amazed at how bad I feel going off the last 2.5 mg.  I mean, this was a VERY small dose, and I’d stuck on it for about a week to try and make the last step as easy as possible. Beta blocker is a great idea.  I’m only on day 2, and I guess this could go on for a while, yeah? Side note:  I think my post sounded flippant about the valium.  Truth is, the physical sympthoms and strange depersonalization I’m feeling from the paxil withdrawal are a perfect recipe for panic, for me at least.  The valium at least keeps that in check. Thanks again, and good luck with yours if you ever decide to go off.  I understand it’s a piece of cake for a lot of people, hope you’re in that set. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – <Gently snipped ::Felt every step, but I could live with it.  Got down 5 mg — ::1/4 of a pill — and decided to try stopping.  Breathtaking heart ::palpitations by day 2.  So, worked my way down to 2.5 mg — 1/8th of a ::pill — and now I’m trying again.  I can’t cut those damn pills any ::smaller, and still I feel awful.  The heart stuff is especially spooky; :: while I guess nobody’s actually died from paxil withdrawal (except by ::suicide, of course), it sure feels like something bad is happening. Hi Paul I cannot tolerate decreasing paxil in 5 mg increments. I do much better doing it in 2.5 mg increments.  I`ve heard the last 5 mgs of paxil is such a bitch to get off of for many people. I`m on 10mgs and I`m too chicken to get off completely, although it would be nice to see how I would do without meds. Two suggestions…… one, ask your doctor for a script of liquid paxil. It will allow you to taper in tiny increments. Two, ask your doctor for a beta blocker. It should address your nasty palpitations quite nicely. What`s good about beta blockers is they can be taken "as needed" or "regularly". No sense suffering with a symptom when there is something that could help. Wishing you success and a pain-free taper off of paxil Please keep us updated! Jackie ~*~I have signed a pact with life: we will not get in each other’s way~*~  - Janusz Korczak, Ghetto Diary — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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I can assure you that you are not the crazy one. It`s a shame that so many doctors and therapists subscribe to benzo-phobia. You obviously aren`t misusing valium, it helps you to feel as close to normal as possible. I don`t know how anyone can say benzos can`t be used for long term use when anxiety and panic disorders are usually long term, if not "for life" disorders.

Yes, it’s troubling.  In my case, I had debilitating panic attacks about 15 years ago, and then was relatively free from it until about a year ago.  I don’t think this kind of cycle is that unusual for folks like us, tho 15 years was a pretty long stretch.  With that in mind, it certainly makes sense to me that I could do a few years on benzos, and then taper them off. The idea of an addiction that required rehab does frighten me tho.  I know that in the bad old days psych wards were full of poor souls trying to get off valium.  I hate the idea of taking one problem and making it into 2.  And the unanimoty among my gp, shrink, and therapist is just about the end of the line;  I can’t argue with them based on some paper I read on the internet, even if I think they’re all too reckless with ssri’s and too cautious with benzos. As a side-note, my shrink has me on neurontin as an exclusive therapy. Far as I can tell, there’s nobody on earth getting treated (effectively) for gad/panic with neurontin alone — but then, I’m not a shrink. Beverly, thanks for your good wishes.  I asked my gp about switching to prosac after my first cold-turkey attempt, and he basically told me to suck it up.  If I hadn’t already made the grueling paxil taper, I’d do prosac for sure.  Thanks for the ‘cut my arms off’ story too – makes me feel my false heart attacks and weird disorientation isn’t so uniquely bad. — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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::Holding steady thru day 3, which is nice.  The valium is a huge help. ::It also reminds me of how clear and effective I am when properly dosed ::with benzo;  even thru this paxil haze, I’ve gotten much more done and ::felt more myself than I’ve been since I started getting off the benzos. :: I am, as ever, questioning the wisdom of my doctor, therapist, and ::psychiatrist, all of emphatically reject benzos as long-term therapy. ::Course, what I know?  I’m just the crazy guy. I can assure you that you are not the crazy one. It`s a shame that so many doctors and therapists subscribe to benzo-phobia. You obviously aren`t misusing valium, it helps you to feel as close to normal as possible. I don`t know how anyone can say benzos can`t be used for long term use when anxiety and panic disorders are usually long term, if not "for life" disorders. Jackie ~*~The bad things of life were very transitory.It was the good things , the ribbed sand, the wind blowing over the white capped waves , the sunshine and the stars, that were so tough and durable~*~  ~~Elizabeth Goudge — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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Paul,      Would it be possible to switch to a low dose of Prozac and then slowly withdraw from that instead of the Paxil?  Prozac’s half-life is much longer than Paxil, and discontinuation is also much easier.  I’ve heard of many people doing this with success.  Paxil withdrawal is the worst.  I remember crying at absolutely nothing and telling my daughter I felt like I needed to cut off my arms–it was awful.      Hang in there….Beverly — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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Thanks again Jackie. Holding steady thru day 3, which is nice.  The valium is a huge help. It also reminds me of how clear and effective I am when properly dosed with benzo;  even thru this paxil haze, I’ve gotten much more done and felt more myself than I’ve been since I started getting off the benzos.  I am, as ever, questioning the wisdom of my doctor, therapist, and psychiatrist, all of emphatically reject benzos as long-term therapy. Course, what I know?  I’m just the crazy guy. — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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::Each step was a little rough, but I’m particularly ::amazed at how bad I feel going off the last 2.5 mg. I`ve heard that from quite a few people that those last few mgs are the toughest. ::Beta blocker is a great idea.  I’m only on day 2, and I guess this ::could go on for a while, yeah? It could go on a while longer or stop tomorrow, there really is no predicting when it will stop. ::Side note:  I think my post sounded flippant about the valium.  Truth ::is, the physical sympthoms and strange depersonalization I’m feeling ::from the paxil withdrawal are a perfect recipe for panic, for me at ::least.  The valium at least keeps that in check. You didn`t sound flippant at all. I`m glad you have the valium to keep you comfy. Take care Jackie ~*~The bad things of life were very transitory.It was the good things , the ribbed sand, the wind blowing over the white capped waves , the sunshine and the stars, that were so tough and durable~*~  ~~Elizabeth Goudge — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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and my wife thought I’d died during the night I was so cold and clammy, but a lot of the mental stuff seems to have passed.  Thought this might be useful info for anybody worried about coming off paxil. — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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::and my wife thought I’d died during the night I was so cold and clammy, ::but a lot of the mental stuff seems to have passed.  Thought this might ::be useful info for anybody worried about coming off paxil. Dear Paul, Sounds like significant improvement. It can only get better, huh? Jackie ~*~The bad things of life were very transitory.It was the good things , the ribbed sand, the wind blowing over the white capped waves , the sunshine and the stars, that were so tough and durable~*~  ~~Elizabeth Goudge — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm

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Question:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Rainier wrote: > Evil Otto wrote: >>After pretending to be someone else for >>so long it can be difficult to learn how to be yourself > I tried being myself for 27 years. It never did me any good. Now I’m > trying the George Constanza approach. I suppose if lying can score a > short, squat Jew some pussy, it will work for me as well. > At the very least, I can do no worse. > -rainier

I guess if ’some pussy’ is your goal, then you’ll probably have some success with those methods. I understand that, though thats something I got out of my system back in my teenage years mostly. Meaningless sex is fun… for a while anyway. — halfblo…@softNSMOOTHhome.net — Frodo was a paranoid gnome… –

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I am like that too and if someone asks what I have been up to, I either forget or have stuff all to report so try an change the subject. "Jim Summers87" <jimsummer…@aol.com> wrote in message

news:20041129232610.06587.00000779@mb-m24.aol.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> >I don’t know how the hell you manage this sort of thing.  I have enough >>trouble remembering facts about my real identity (for example, this >>morning, I forgot my age). >   I wonder if this extreme shyness causes a feeling of depersonalization? > I’m > like that too, questions about my life always confuse me and catch me off > guard > but other people just fire out that information about themselves as though > it’s > ALL they think about….

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>I reckon it is best to be yourself as you will be found out eventually and >particularly in a relationship.

  So what? He just wants short term sex anyway and with his sorry looks who can blame him? He’s no Fabio, you know?

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I am not referring to him just in general and if you want a long term relationship "Jim Summers87" <jimsummer…@aol.com> wrote in message

news:20041130000649.06587.00000782@mb-m24.aol.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> >I reckon it is best to be yourself as you will be found out eventually > >and >>particularly in a relationship. >  So what? He just wants short term sex anyway and with his sorry looks who > can > blame him? He’s no Fabio, you know?

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>I am not referring to him just in general and if you want a long term

relationship    Most guys are lying now in the dating world, they have to lie because women want so much damn perfection in men. I have $35,000 dollars in stocks but I’ve thought about saying that I have $80,000 just because it seems more ALPHA MALE to women….    Women’s obsession with STATUS and EGO forces men to either have those things or claim that they do!!!!!!!!!

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Tiger wrote: > I am like that too and if someone asks what I have been > up to, I either > forget or have stuff all to report so try an change the > subject.

That’s why I invented my own fantasy world. When someone asks about my weekend, I turn the truth "Oh, I won $10,000 worth of play money in on-line Poker. Then I flamed a few trolls on USENET." into the following: "I threw a big party at my new apartment. Bought my boys some Hennessey and weed. Once they got stone-cold drunk, I busted out the cards and suggested we play a hand of poker. They took the bait, I beat their ass. Won myself enough money to upgrade to Courvasier for the next party." This lie shows the ladies I am a ruthless jerk who will stop at nothing in my pursuit of victory. Meanwhile the truth shows that I am a loser with no friends. Which would the typcial woman choose? A or B? -rainier

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August wrote: > It’s awesome that you can pull off > this sort of stuff (assuming it’s true).

It’s true that I lie.   I have separate personas for each of my classes which require classroom participation. Tuesday Night Education Course I have a well-paying day job at the Honda plant. But I feel the Japanese are too anal-rentitive. Self-expression is frowned upon, There are surveilance cameras everywhere. You’re not even allowed restroom breaks. Working there is an Orwellian nightmare . . . so I’ve decided to take night classes to fulfill my real dream of being a teacher. Contribution to Classroom Discussion: I am the leftist who speaks out against stifling children’s creativity in the classroom. Purpose of Persona: Chicks love cash! And if they think I’ve got some, they’ll be more likely to go out with me. -rainier

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mWarrior wrote: > Awesome character. If you pull that off I would suggest > your talents would > be useful in Improv comedy.

It’s not improv though. First I look at the syllabus to see what the topic for the day is. Then I create and  rehearse a story for the class. It may sound off-the-cuff, but in fact I’ve planned everything out. I do the same thing with small talk. I’ll scout a woman for a while before I make my move. For instance, there is a girl who sits beside me in my psychology course. Here’s what I did: Two months ago I caught her reading "The Picture of Dorian Gray" during a class lecture. Last Monday I sat in the back so she couldn’t see me. Today I sat in my normal seat beside her. I speak to her for the first time: "Did I miss anything interesting in last week’s lecture? The professor’s a real cut-up?" We chat for a few minutes, then I tell my Dorian Gray joke. She is impressed by my erudition and tells me she loves Oscar Wilde. Since I waited two months to make the approach, she didn’t know it was just a cheap pick-up line on my part. -rainier

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"Rainier" <rainierba…@hotmail.com> wrote in message

news:0b9928c35c43efd05dc923cacd49f0a1@localhost.talkaboutsupport.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Tiger wrote: >> I am like that too and if someone asks what I have been > up to, I > either >> forget or have stuff all to report so try an change the > subject. > That’s why I invented my own fantasy world. When someone asks about my > weekend, I turn the truth "Oh, I won $10,000 worth of play money in > on-line Poker. Then I flamed a few trolls on USENET." into the following: > "I threw a big party at my new apartment. Bought my boys some Hennessey > and weed. Once they got stone-cold drunk, I busted out the cards and > suggested we play a hand of poker. They took the bait, I beat their ass. > Won myself enough money to upgrade to Courvasier for the next party." > This lie shows the ladies I am a ruthless jerk who will stop at nothing in > my pursuit of victory. > Meanwhile the truth shows that I am a loser with no friends. > Which would the typcial woman choose? A or B?

Definitely A. I have done stuff like that but once I found out I was 1 of an ex girlfriends many boyfriends, I made other stuff up which was going towards the loser and no friends side and of course she dumped me (relieved that she did). I guess the thing is if you really liked someone and wanted something permanent, I am not sure how long you could get away with it and might be caught out eventually but if you wanted a quick fling, then yeah it could work. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> -rainier

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Rainier wrote: > I have separate personas for each of my classes which require classroom > participation.

That sounds exhausting… I’d hate to give up myself to put on some bullshit act to please others. After pretending to be someone else for so long it can be difficult to learn how to be yourself (you may eventually want to stop pretending). — halfblo…@softNSMOOTHhome.net — "How tragic that man can never realize how beautiful life is until he is face to face with death." – Ikiru (1952) –

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Baba wrote: > There is not a high probability that I could > recall a series of fake trivia about a fake life.

Reality is banal. That’s why it’s difficult to recall. The more interesting something is, the easier it is to remember. Here’s a good example. Ask the average person what they know about the Armenian genocide. I bet 90% of people don’t even know what an Armenian is. Then ask these same people about the Holocaust. This same person can probably tell you the Nazis murdered six million Jews, then melted down their gold teeth, sent the Gold to Swiss Bank Accounts then produced soap from the corpses. Why does the average person remember so much about the Holocaust but so little about the Armenian genocide? Because the Holocaust captures the imagination. My point is this: if you make the fake trivia about your fake life memorable enough it should be easier to recall than reality. -rainier

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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Rainier wrote: > Tiger wrote: >>I am like that too and if someone asks what I have been > up to, I > either >>forget or have stuff all to report so try an change the > subject. > That’s why I invented my own fantasy world. When someone asks about my > weekend, I turn the truth "Oh, I won $10,000 worth of play money in > on-line Poker. Then I flamed a few trolls on USENET." into the following: > "I threw a big party at my new apartment. Bought my boys some Hennessey > and weed. Once they got stone-cold drunk, I busted out the cards and > suggested we play a hand of poker. They took the bait, I beat their ass. > Won myself enough money to upgrade to Courvasier for the next party." > This lie shows the ladies I am a ruthless jerk who will stop at nothing in > my pursuit of victory.

I’ve found that most intelligent people can see through lies like that rather easily. You should try not to make it so grandiose next time. If you are going to live in a fantasy world you need to keep things simple. Or else everyone is going to catch on to your delusions and begin calling you on them (most likely). — halfblo…@softNSMOOTHhome.net — I’m Canadian and I’m actually 46 years old, I’m secretly married and have two kids living in New Jersey, and at night I patrol the streets of Gothom City in my customized Davemobile. –

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Evil Otto wrote: > After pretending to be someone else for > so long it can be difficult to learn how to be yourself

I tried being myself for 27 years. It never did me any good. Now I’m trying the George Constanza approach. I suppose if lying can score a short, squat Jew some pussy, it will work for me as well. At the very least, I can do no worse. -rainier

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>Why does the average person remember so much about the Holocaust but so >little about the Armenian genocide? Because the Holocaust captures the >imagination.

  Nonsense. They remember so much about the Holocaust because Jews control Hollywood and constantly make movies about it. However, Armenians don’t control ANYTHING and therefore it doesn’t matter to anyone………………    If Hitler had killed 6 million Bulgarians it would have been forgotten by 1947. Face it, it’s about Jewish money power promoting their own self interests…….

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"TigerMan" wrote: > guess the thing is if you really liked someone and wanted > something permanent, I am not sure how long you could   > get away with

it I’ve planned for that eventuality. Let’s say a woman falls for my lies and goes out with me. We go on a few dates and she wants to see my apartment. What do I do? I tell her my apartment is a mess and I’m too embarrassed to let her see it. Follow-up date: She again wants to see my apartment. I ignore her, act horny and begin pawing her. If she reacts positively to my agressiveness I say: "You’re a special girl. You deserve a jacuzzi suite, not some flat downtown." If she takes the bait, I get the room. Then if she still goes out with me after having sex with me, I’ll get an actual apartment. I have enough money saved up to afford one. $400 a month in rent is a small price to pay for a real life gf. So you see, my lies will never catch up with me. I have all contingencies covered. -rainier

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We’ve all heard the advice "Be yourself and girls will like you." Be myself? I’m a coward on the cusp of thirty who lives with his parents. I hate myself and must retreat into fantasy to work up enough courage to leave the house. Does anyone else role-play? Here are some examples of my role-playing: 1.) Ethics Class Half of our grade is based upon participation in classroom discussion. For the first two months, I did not say a word because I felt I had nothing worthwhile to offer. I don’t want to flunk this class so desperate measures are in order. I invent a persona for myself. Rainier is gone. I am now a reformed card-shark, pool hustler hillbilly looking to make it in the "straight" world. Never mind the only cards I play are on-line. This is all fantasy. I craft a back-story in case my fellow students call my bluff. Mine was a hard-scrabble life. Daddy lost the tobacco farm when the state raised cigarette taxes so I had to leave home at sixteen with just a deck of cards and a cue stick to get by. On the road, I play up my Opie looks. Hardened gamblers take me lightly, because I look the geek and talk like Don Knotts . . . I pick up a partner during my travels. A paranoid former college professor who blames the Jews, not his own racist scholarship, for his dismissal. We are known far and wide as DocNazi and the Geek, a modern day Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Before every class, I carefully craft a story then rehearse it while looking in the mirror. I even invented my own catch phrase by introducing every question with the qualifier: "HI-PO-thetically speaking". For instance I may ask: "HI-PO-thetically speaking, if I catch a couple of frat boys passing cards, would it be ethical to take a cue stick to their head to teach ‘em a lesson?" Everyone ignored Rainier. But not "The Geek". They like the geek. When I don’t participate and the classroom discussion lags, the professor will ask me for a story. I even had a girl tell me she liked my stories today after class. A couple frat boys did question my stories. I challenged them to a game of poker, they backed down pretty quick when I called their bluff. 2.) Teaching I am not Rainier–a cowardly pushover. No, I am a Prussian Field Marshall inspecting his men. 3.) Approaching Women I am not a desperate horndog. I am a famed psychologist conducting a study on what women find attractive. Does anyone else use role-playing in their daily life? -rainier

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Living a lie really sucks because you have to remember and keep your lies straight. Thats gets really annoying & difficult (at least back in my teens when I did that it was). Telling the truth and being myself I’ve found to be easiest. Even if reality isnt all that pleasant, I’ve found resorting to role-playing will never help things in the long-term. People will eventually find out, and what happens if you start a relationship based on those lies? I’ll tell you what happens: things fall apart and get worse. Be yourself. If someone doesnt like it, then fuck ‘em (!literally). You’ll gain more respect for standing up and being yourself than you will from any character you create (in the long-term fo’ sho’). — halfblo…@softNSMOOTHhome.net — I think a good hunting accident would really open your mind. –

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Rainier wrote: > We’ve all heard the advice "Be yourself and girls will like you." Be > myself? I’m a coward on the cusp of thirty who lives with his parents. I > hate myself and must retreat into fantasy to work up enough courage to > leave the house. > Does anyone else role-play?

I don’t know how the hell you manage this sort of thing.  I have enough trouble remembering facts about my real identity (for example, this morning, I forgot my age).  There is not a high probability that I could recall a series of fake trivia about a fake life.

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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -"Rainier" <rainierba…@hotmail.com> wrote in message: > 1.) Ethics Class > Half of our grade is based upon participation in classroom discussion. For > the first two months, I did not say a word because I felt I had nothing > worthwhile to offer. I don’t want to flunk this class so desperate > measures are in order. > I invent a persona for myself. Rainier is gone. I am now a reformed > card-shark, pool hustler hillbilly looking to make it in the "straight" > world. Never mind the only cards I play are on-line. This is all fantasy. > I craft a back-story in case my fellow students call my bluff. Mine was a > hard-scrabble life. Daddy lost the tobacco farm when the state raised > cigarette taxes so I had to leave home at sixteen with just a deck of > cards and a cue stick to get by. > On the road, I play up my Opie looks. Hardened gamblers take me lightly, > because I look the geek and talk like Don Knotts . . . I pick up a partner > during my travels. A paranoid former college professor who blames the Jews, > not his own racist scholarship, for his dismissal. We are known far and > wide as DocNazi and the Geek, a modern day Butch Cassidy and the Sundance > Kid. > Before every class, I carefully craft a story then rehearse it while > looking in the mirror. I even invented my own catch phrase by introducing > every question with the qualifier: "HI-PO-thetically speaking". > For instance I may ask: > "HI-PO-thetically speaking, if I catch a couple of frat boys passing > cards, would it be ethical to take a cue stick to their head to teach ‘em > a lesson?" > Everyone ignored Rainier. But not "The Geek". They like the geek. When I > don’t participate and the classroom discussion lags, the professor will > ask me for a story. I even had a girl tell me she liked my stories today > after class. > A couple frat boys did question my stories. I challenged them to a game of > poker, they backed down pretty quick when I called their bluff.

Awesome character. If you pull that off I would suggest your talents would be useful in Improv comedy. You should give it a try. its a lot of fun and you will get chicks.

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You really do this?  Make up amusing anecdotes in ethics class and things? If so, then you must be a pretty fun guy to be around and I can’t imagine why you’d have problems with women.

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>Does anyone else use role-playing in their daily life?

    Yes, I’m Hitler and it’s 1942 and the goal sleeping with attractive women is like conquering both the Caucasus and Stalingrad. However, as you may know, the attractive women have a powerful Army and huge factories beyond the Urals are pumping out hundreds of tanks a month. The women are strong, very strong and they are led by the brutal Stalin who has made them militant and won’t let them surrender to me.     Is all hope lost? Is my German army too feeble to face the test of History?

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>I don’t know how the hell you manage this sort of thing.  I have enough >trouble remembering facts about my real identity (for example, this >morning, I forgot my age).  

   I wonder if this extreme shyness causes a feeling of depersonalization? I’m like that too, questions about my life always confuse me and catch me off guard but other people just fire out that information about themselves as though it’s ALL they think about….

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In news:3126q3F373qo9U1@uni-berlin.de, The Babaloughesian <m…@privacy.net> typed: > Rainier wrote: >> We’ve all heard the advice "Be yourself and girls will like you." Be >> myself? I’m a coward on the cusp of thirty who lives with his >> parents. I hate myself and must retreat into fantasy to work up >> enough courage to leave the house. >> Does anyone else role-play? > I don’t know how the hell you manage this sort of thing.  I have > enough trouble remembering facts about my real identity (for example, > this morning, I forgot my age).  There is not a high probability that > I could recall a series of fake trivia about a fake life.

    I have enough trouble telling the truth convincingly. Then again, if Rainier is telling the truth with his various stories, so does he. August Pamplona P.S. This is what I was talking about with the "master manipulator" comment and when I commented on my standards for what it means to be a master manipulator being low (because never in a million years could I even approach this sort of thing). It’s awesome that you can pull off this sort of stuff (assuming it’s true). However, you should only use these powers for good: stringing along the gay guy is just not nice. — The waterfall in Java is not wet. – omegazero2003 on m.f.w. a.a. # 1811 apatriot #20 Eater of smut Proud member of the reality-based community. The address in this message’s ‘From’ field, in accordance with individual.net’s TOS, is real. However, almost all messages reaching this address are deleted without human intervention. In other words, if you e-mail me there, I will not receive your message. To make sure that e-mail messages actually reach me, make sure that my e-mail address is not hot.

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Jim Summers wrote: >The women are strong, very strong >and they are led by the brutal Stalin who has made them militant and won’t >let them surrender to me.

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wish I had something clever to add . . .  This is one of the those rare posts which leave me speechless . . . -rainier

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I reckon it is best to be yourself as you will be found out eventually and particularly in a relationship. I would rather be myself and single than live a lie. It is too bad if women don’t like me for who I am. "Rainier" <rainierba…@hotmail.com> wrote in message

news:b165769d4e3c263edf52b91ae6723a78@localhost.talkaboutsupport.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> We’ve all heard the advice "Be yourself and girls will like you." Be > myself? I’m a coward on the cusp of thirty who lives with his parents. I > hate myself and must retreat into fantasy to work up enough courage to > leave the house. > Does anyone else role-play? > Here are some examples of my role-playing: > 1.) Ethics Class > Half of our grade is based upon participation in classroom discussion. For > the first two months, I did not say a word because I felt I had nothing > worthwhile to offer. I don’t want to flunk this class so desperate > measures are in order. > I invent a persona for myself. Rainier is gone. I am now a reformed > card-shark, pool hustler hillbilly looking to make it in the "straight" > world. Never mind the only cards I play are on-line. This is all fantasy. > I craft a back-story in case my fellow students call my bluff. Mine was a > hard-scrabble life. Daddy lost the tobacco farm when the state raised > cigarette taxes so I had to leave home at sixteen with just a deck of > cards and a cue stick to get by. > On the road, I play up my Opie looks. Hardened gamblers take me lightly, > because I look the geek and talk like Don Knotts . . . I pick up a partner > during my travels. A paranoid former college professor who blames the > Jews, > not his own racist scholarship, for his dismissal. We are known far and > wide as DocNazi and the Geek, a modern day Butch Cassidy and the Sundance > Kid. > Before every class, I carefully craft a story then rehearse it while > looking in the mirror. I even invented my own catch phrase by introducing > every question with the qualifier: "HI-PO-thetically speaking". > For instance I may ask: > "HI-PO-thetically speaking, if I catch a couple of frat boys passing > cards, would it be ethical to take a cue stick to their head to teach ‘em > a lesson?" > Everyone ignored Rainier. But not "The Geek". They like the geek. When I > don’t participate and the classroom discussion lags, the professor will > ask me for a story. I even had a girl tell me she liked my stories today > after class. > A couple frat boys did question my stories. I challenged them to a game of > poker, they backed down pretty quick when I called their bluff. > 2.) Teaching > I am not Rainier–a cowardly pushover. No, I am a Prussian Field Marshall > inspecting his men. > 3.) Approaching Women > I am not a desperate horndog. I am a famed psychologist conducting a study > on what women find attractive. > Does anyone else use role-playing in their daily life? > -rainier

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Question:

any chance some of that could be sommat more phisical? only exept the black depresson, i prety much get like that evry time i get a migrain.  and yes, its not fun. :/ C.

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – i was wondering if anyone had symptoms like these which arise with  one or more of their dissociated states: a feeling that the air is thick, like black soup, burning eyes, a tight masklike feeling in the face, feeling that the lights are way too bright and the need/wish to lie down in the dark. along with severe emotional numbness and a black black depression. doesn’t sound too fun, does it. it’s not. but it always passes. thanks for your responses.

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        i was wondering if anyone had symptoms like these which arise with  one or more of their dissociated states: a feeling that the air is thick, like black soup, burning eyes, a tight masklike feeling in the face, feeling that the lights are way too bright and the need/wish to lie down in the dark. along with severe emotional numbness and a black black depression. doesn’t sound too fun, does it. it’s not. but it always passes.         thanks for your responses.

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Question:

Newbie question – Hi Everyone! My Father (aged 69) hasn’t been well for the last couple of months – loss of energy & appetite, unwillingness to leave the house, very sensitive to excess heat or cold. Anyhow, he’s had loads of tests, heart, blood, chest etc and nothing much has turned up. Last night I took him out for a meal along with my mum. Everything was ok until he suddenly decided he just had to get out of the restaurant and have some fresh air. Nothing much wrong with that really, but as soon as we were outside he needed to go back in as it was a cold evening. After another couple of minutes I cut the meal short as he was obviouly unhappy and said he’d like to go home. Does this sound like a panic attack? Thanks, Mike.

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Does this sound like a panic attack?

could be or the beggining of primary dementia-get him evaluated by a psychiatrist and a gerontologist LM

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– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -I was sitting in my doctors office, having her begin talking to me about my progress ( I have OCD and depression) when all of a sudden I felt distant, like everything I could see had moved far away from me, my breathing slowed down and I couldn’t talk..when I tried to say something my voice was soo quite that it just simply was worthless trying to speak, and I’m not sure but I felt like my eyes pupils had gone really small, because it felt like I was moving back in my head, anyway I finally had to lean forward and put my head between my knees and breath slowly in and out and try to relax until I felt back to normal..is this what a panic attack is? god, it felt terrible, I didn’t feel like I was dying, but sort of suffocating and stepping out of my body kinda, it was weird..anyway, now my problem is worse!..now every time I go to see my doctor I start to worry that it will happen again, and the bad thing is, it starts too happen, sometimes it happens bader than other times, and I have to start breathing and telling myself to just relax. So anyway am I totally fucked and have a panic disorder obsession thingy now with seeing my doctor?

Anton, Could have been depersonalization, or derealization.  Both are anxiety symptoms and people can have either or both.  Please see the web site below for descriptions. http://www.panic-anxiety.com/depersonalization_derealization.asp Medication can help to alleviate these symptoms which, incidentally, may also be a part of a larger group of symptoms experienced during high anxiety or a panic attack.  I’ve experienced depersonalization simply driving to work when I was anxious, but I’ve also had it much more pronounced as a part of a situational panic attack. Doug D.

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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I was sitting in my doctors office, having her begin talking to me about my progress ( I have OCD and depression) when all of a sudden I felt distant, like everything I could see had moved far away from me, my breathing slowed down and I couldn’t talk..when I tried to say something my voice was soo quite that it just simply was worthless trying to speak, and I’m not sure but I felt like my eyes pupils had gone really small, because it felt like I was moving back in my head, anyway I finally had to lean forward and put my head between my knees and breath slowly in and out and try to relax until I felt back to normal..is this what a panic attack is? god, it felt terrible, I didn’t feel like I was dying, but sort of suffocating and stepping out of my body kinda, it was weird..anyway, now my problem is worse!..now every time I go to see my doctor I start to worry that it will happen again, and the bad thing is, it starts too happen, sometimes it happens bader than other times, and I have to start breathing and telling myself to just relax. So anyway am I totally fucked and have a panic disorder obsession thingy now with seeing my doctor?

You probably experienced *derealization* which is often part of panic disorder. It’s no fun. BTDT. I find a benzo helps me. Philip – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –

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You probably experienced *derealization* which is often part of panic disorder. It’s no fun. BTDT. I find a benzo helps me. Philip

Yeaaah.. I think you may be right..from what I’ve read on the net about derealization it sounds like it’s whats happening. It’s hard to describe it though. It happens very quickly without much of a build up of panic or anxiety, seems to quickly happen and then leave quite quickly too. Like I’m not sure what happens to time when it happens. Nothing seems to make any sense. But when it’s happening it feels strange like reality is some how different, things look far away that are close, and I’m unable to do much but try to relax and pull myself out of it again. It’s very hard to explain how it feels, but I know that my eyes feel like my pupils have constricted, something happens to my view of reality. I’m becoming scared of going to see my doctors because that’s when it happens, and it disables me completely, like I’m frozen in time for a moment. That’s sort of how it feels but I can’t find the right words to describe it because when it happens I have no thoughts about what or why is happening.

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[6 quoted lines suppressed] Yeah I was just reading this stuff about depersonalisation..well my doctor, the one I was with when it happened, she’s really a psychologist, and when I told her I felt weird, she just said to breath in and out…it’s a pretty hopeless clinic I goto, it’s a government paid thing. I do most the research into my medicine and problems. Anyway, it happens now when I goto the clinic and I get a bit anxious, it feels like I can’t respond to anyone and like my body and mind have seperated and everything I see seems far away. It’s kind of like I get nervous and my mind just leaves my body. That’s how it feels. It’s the best way I can describe it. Does anyone else get this?

Hi Anton, Yes I have that too, I think it’s derealisation.  That is what started my Agoraphobia, it feels so weird and frightening that you are afraid/terrified it will happen again.  I am sorry you have to deal with this too. I hope you can find some help, either Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and or meds can help.  Take care, Jude.

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Sounds like a depersonaization thing to me.  I never experienced one of these.  Sounds almost like an ‘out of body’ kind of thing.  Again, please post again on some kind of imput from your doctor. Art Decco… nyc, usa

Yeah I was just reading this stuff about depersonalisation..well my doctor, the one I was with when it happened, she’s really a psychologist, and when I told her I felt weird, she just said to breath in and out…it’s a pretty hopeless clinic I goto, it’s a government paid thing. I do most the research into my medicine and problems. Anyway, it happens now when I goto the clinic and I get a bit anxious, it feels like I can’t respond to anyone and like my body and mind have seperated and everything I see seems far away. It’s kind of like I get nervous and my mind just leaves my body. That’s how it feels. It’s the best way I can describe it. Does anyone else get this?

Response:

I was sitting in my doctors office, having her begin talking to me about my progress ( I have OCD and depression) when all of a sudden I felt distant, like everything I could see had moved far away from me, my breathing slowed down and I couldn’t talk..when I tried to say something my voice was soo quite that it just simply was worthless trying to speak, and I’m not sure but I felt like my eyes pupils had gone really small, because it felt like I was moving back in my head, anyway I finally had to lean forward and put my head between my knees and breath slowly in and out and try to relax until I felt back to normal..is this what a panic attack is? god, it felt terrible, I didn’t feel like I was dying, but sort of suffocating and stepping out of my body kinda, it was weird..anyway, now my problem is worse!..now every time I go to see my doctor I start to worry that it will happen again, and the bad thing is, it starts too happen, sometimes it happens bader than other times, and I have to start breathing and telling myself to just relax. So anyway am I totally fucked and have a panic disorder obsession thingy now with seeing my doctor?

Response:

"I was sitting in my doctors office, having her begin talking to me about my progress ( I have OCD and depression) when all of a sudden I felt distant, like everything I could see had moved far away from me, my breathing slowed down and I couldn’t talk..when I tried to say something my voice was soo quite that it just simply was worthless trying to speak, and I’m not sure but I felt like my eyes pupils had gone really small, because it felt like I was moving back in my head, anyway I finally had to lean forward and put my head between my knees and breath slowly in and out and try to relax until I felt back to normal..is this what a panic attack is? god, it felt terrible, I didn’t feel like I was dying, but sort of suffocating and stepping out of my body kinda, it was weird..anyway, now my problem is worse!..now every time I go to see my doctor I start to worry that it will happen again, and the bad thing is, it starts too happen, sometimes it happens bader than other times, and I have to start breathing and telling myself to just relax. So anyway am I totally fucked and have a panic disorder obsession thingy now with seeing my doctor? " <Anton, you had this attack right in front of your doctor.  Didn’t you ask her what was going on???.  Please get back to us and let us know what she said.  If anyone knows, it would be your doctor who witnessed your attack right in front of her.  I wish I had an anxiety attack in front of my shrink.  Thats the best place to be to have one I would think. Sounds like a depersonaization thing to me.  I never experienced one of these.  Sounds almost like an ‘out of body’ kind of thing.  Again, please post again on some kind of imput from your doctor. Art Decco… nyc, usa

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Question:

Vicki, thanx for your advice and good wishes. Talking about the derealisation, yes, it happened to me too. And it was very scary experience, when it happened for the first time. Later on I’ve found ways to fight the awfull feeling. But actually my question wasn’t about derealisation but about depersonalization. Described above in my first post… Umm how else could I describe it….I guess it’s close to what is called personality crisis(you don’t know who you really are, the values and the principles you live upon are "messed up") – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi, My first PA was nearly 4 years ago.  I was at work doing my daily routine. It was lunch time for everyone so it was quiet and I was alone.  I was talking to my boss’s wife about a movie and suddenly it hit me.  I literally thought I was having a stroke or something.  I definitely know what derealization is because I had it that day.  I ended up taking myself to the ER and they were stupid.  No one ever said panic attack, they looked for everything else and ended up blaming it on a vitamin I was taking.  Doctors need to be educated more, BTW.  My life has totally changed since that day. The next time I had an attack I was with my husband and he physically put me in the car and took me to my doctor.  I was crying and terrified that I was dying.  I had the racing heart, the cold sweats, the fuzzy head, all of it. The doctor said that what was wrong with me was benign and he thought he could help me.  So started my journey into antidepressants, which was a lifesaver.  My personality hasn’t really changed, looking at the big picture.  I feel better and I function well.  Of course, I have my days, we all do.  You have to work on that and keep on keeping on.  Derealization is very scary but once you know what it is and what causes it, it cannot hurt you.  I found that out. Good luck, Vicki Hi to all! I’m a 22 years old female student and I’ve suffered from a panic attack about two years ago, for the first time. I’ve had a few more, though the first one was the worst. I did’t know what was happening at all, my heart was racing, cold sweat, etc….anyway, you all probably know how it feels. A few months after the first panic attack I visited a psychiatrist whom I’m still seeing about once a week and who prescribed me xanax and seroxat(paroxetin). I’m still taking the both of the drugs. Through the psychotherapy I’ve found out that, the first attack (and a few next attacks, which followed a few days after the first one) were follwed with depersonalisation as well. I’ll describe depersonalisation with my own words as a prosess when a part of our personality "splits" from the rest of our personality. It is usualy caused by deep and big subconscious conflicts. What I’d like to know is your own experience. What changed in your own lives? What caracteristcs of your personality have changed? What do you think the panic attack and the depersonalisation(I’fe you’ve went/or still going through one)were caused by?….

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Hi to all! I’m a 22 years old female student and I’ve suffered from a panic attack about two years ago, for the first time. I’ve had a few more, though the first one was the worst. I did’t know what was happening at all, my heart was racing, cold sweat, etc….anyway, you all probably know how it feels. A few months after the first panic attack I visited a psychiatrist whom I’m still seeing about once a week and who prescribed me xanax and seroxat(paroxetin). I’m still taking the both of the drugs. Through the psychotherapy I’ve found out that, the first attack (and a few next attacks, which followed a few days after the first one) were follwed with depersonalisation as well. I’ll describe depersonalisation with my own words as a prosess when a part of our personality "splits" from the rest of our personality. It is usualy caused by deep and big subconscious conflicts. What I’d like to know is your own experience. What changed in your own lives? What caracteristcs of your personality have changed? What do you think the panic attack and the depersonalisation(I’fe you’ve went/or still going through one)were caused by?….

Response:

Hi, My first PA was nearly 4 years ago.  I was at work doing my daily routine. It was lunch time for everyone so it was quiet and I was alone.  I was talking to my boss’s wife about a movie and suddenly it hit me.  I literally thought I was having a stroke or something.  I definitely know what derealization is because I had it that day.  I ended up taking myself to the ER and they were stupid.  No one ever said panic attack, they looked for everything else and ended up blaming it on a vitamin I was taking.  Doctors need to be educated more, BTW.  My life has totally changed since that day. The next time I had an attack I was with my husband and he physically put me in the car and took me to my doctor.  I was crying and terrified that I was dying.  I had the racing heart, the cold sweats, the fuzzy head, all of it. The doctor said that what was wrong with me was benign and he thought he could help me.  So started my journey into antidepressants, which was a lifesaver.  My personality hasn’t really changed, looking at the big picture.  I feel better and I function well.  Of course, I have my days, we all do.  You have to work on that and keep on keeping on.  Derealization is very scary but once you know what it is and what causes it, it cannot hurt you.  I found that out. Good luck, Vicki

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi to all! I’m a 22 years old female student and I’ve suffered from a panic attack about two years ago, for the first time. I’ve had a few more, though the first one was the worst. I did’t know what was happening at all, my heart was racing, cold sweat, etc….anyway, you all probably know how it feels. A few months after the first panic attack I visited a psychiatrist whom I’m still seeing about once a week and who prescribed me xanax and seroxat(paroxetin). I’m still taking the both of the drugs. Through the psychotherapy I’ve found out that, the first attack (and a few next attacks, which followed a few days after the first one) were follwed with depersonalisation as well. I’ll describe depersonalisation with my own words as a prosess when a part of our personality "splits" from the rest of our personality. It is usualy caused by deep and big subconscious conflicts. What I’d like to know is your own experience. What changed in your own lives? What caracteristcs of your personality have changed? What do you think the panic attack and the depersonalisation(I’fe you’ve went/or still going through one)were caused by?….

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