Question:
Hello all – Tomorrow early I am leaving for an all day trip w/my karate teacher and a select group of black belts whom he feels have contributed to the school – he is giving us a thank you present. We are going to Atlantic City to see a performance by the Shao Lin monks – the ancient originators of the original Eastern hand-to-hand martial arts, from which all other Eastern forms derive. I have seen a tape of the performance – it is truly breathtaking, and I can only imagine how powerful it will be to actually be in the presence of these incredible masters. I am so grateful for the gift, and it feels so very good to be acknowledged as having contributed, and to be thanked in this way. I am also taking my son along (I am paying his way), because it is such a rare opportunity and we may never again have the chance to see these martial artists. In many ways, I wish I could go by myself w/the group and not have to be a mthr tomorrow – but – I could never have gone and just said to him, "Well, sorry, you have to stay behind." And in the end, I think it will be very, very good for us to have experienced the performance together – as a bond, and as something we can talk about for months and years to come. We will also all be keeping our eyes open for ideas for use in our own performance as a Demo Team. We are currently creating a new performance for this year. Part of the performance, the breaking routine, is already in place, and we will perform it as part of a two demonstration for two groups of public school program karate students and their parents. We, the Beauty, will do our usual breaking of a stack of concrete patio blocks w/a palm down strike; and we will also be one of five students to hold cups for our Master to strike w/nunchuks – we will hold two cups, one in each hand, for him to swing down and up at, striking one on each swing. It’s fun to hold the cups and have him swing the nunchuks and *not* be afraid at all – because we know he will not get us. (He did accidentally get us a just little bit today because he was using a new pair that he wasn’t used to – and we were proud to be able and willing to stand up to the rigors of martial arts activities.) Anyway. We will be gone all day and way into the early morning hours, because the show will not be over until probably after ten, and then we have to drive home for three or four hours. Well, we aren’t doing the driving – we couldn’t manage that – but the teacher is, and also another student – someone our age. So by the time we are home, we will be wiped out, and then the next day is Sunday, which is full of obligations for us – which we may or may not be able to attend to this week. So part of the point of this is to say we are happy to be going, and part is to say that we will not be able to write for a little while. But probably not necessary to say because it is kind of vain to think that someone would wonder . . . Wishing everyone a joyous time, meanwhile, if possible – peace, at the very least, and if not that, then a sense of possibility for a quest for peace, for a piece of dry land to rest on, whatever is possible . . . Best to you all – Beauty. — To email me, remove "nospam" from my address.
Response:
Hello Beauty, I hope you have a good trip, sounds like it will be a lot of fun and fascinating to watch other masters perform their art. My fancy is polynesian dance, so I like to go and see those as they touch a special place within me that no other experience does. Have fun!!! SofT — For info about this service, see http://anon.twwells.com/help/ or e-mail:
Response:
thanks for letting us know, beauty. heh – just ignore the 3 long emails that i just finished sending to you….. 
Jen for dyenths :-)
Hello all – Tomorrow early I am leaving for an all day trip w/my
karate teacher and a select group of black belts whom he feels have contributed to the school – he is giving us a thank you present. We are going to
Atlantic City to see – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – a performance by the Shao Lin monks – the ancient originators of the original Eastern hand-to-hand martial arts, from which all other Eastern forms derive. I have seen a tape of the performance – it is truly breathtaking, and I can only imagine how powerful it will be to actually be in the presence of these incredible masters. I am so grateful for the gift, and it feels so very good to be acknowledged as having contributed, and to be thanked in this way. I am also taking my son along (I am paying his way), because it is such a rare opportunity and we may never again have the chance to see these martial artists. In many ways, I wish I could go by myself w/the group and not have to be a mthr tomorrow – but – I could never have gone and just said to him, "Well, sorry, you have to stay behind." And in the end, I think it will be very, very good for us to have experienced the performance
together – as a bond, and as something we can talk about for months and years to come. We will also all be keeping our eyes open for ideas for use in our own performance as a Demo Team. We are currently creating a new performance for this year. Part of the performance, the breaking routine, is already in place, and we will perform it as part of a two
demonstration for two – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – groups of public school program karate students and their parents. We, the Beauty, will do our usual breaking of a stack of concrete patio blocks w/a palm down strike; and we will also be one of five students to hold cups for our Master to strike w/nunchuks – we will hold two cups, one in each hand, for him to swing down and up at, striking one on each swing. It’s fun to hold the cups and have him swing the nunchuks and *not* be afraid at all – because we know he will not get us. (He did accidentally get us a just little bit today because he was using a new pair that he wasn’t used to – and we were proud to be able and willing to stand up to the rigors of martial arts activities.) Anyway. We will be gone all day and way into the early morning hours, because the show will not be over until probably after ten, and then we have to drive home for three or four hours. Well, we aren’t doing the driving – we couldn’t manage that – but the teacher is, and also another student – someone our age. So by the time we are home, we will be wiped out, and then the next day is Sunday, which is full of
obligations for us – – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – which we may or may not be able to attend to this week. So part of the point of this is to say we are happy to be going, and part is to say that we will not be able to write for a little while. But probably not necessary to say because it is kind of vain to think that someone would wonder . . . Wishing everyone a joyous time, meanwhile, if possible – peace, at the very least, and if not that, then a sense of possibility for a quest for peace, for a piece of dry land to rest on, whatever is possible . . . Best to you all – Beauty. — To email me, remove "nospam" from my address.
Response:
How’d it go Beauty? Hope you’re having a good time and learning and in awe and that plans go smoothly. Congrat’s on the gift and see ya’s soon. 
) Dayzie – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hello all – Tomorrow early I am leaving for an all day trip w/my karate teacher and a select group of black belts whom he feels have contributed to the school – he is giving us a thank you present. We are going to Atlantic City to see a performance by the Shao Lin monks – the ancient originators of the original Eastern hand-to-hand martial arts, from which all other Eastern forms derive. I have seen a tape of the performance – it is truly breathtaking, and I can only imagine how powerful it will be to actually be in the presence of these incredible masters. I am so grateful for the gift, and it feels so very good to be acknowledged as having contributed, and to be thanked in this way. I am also taking my son along (I am paying his way), because it is such a rare opportunity and we may never again have the chance to see these martial artists. In many ways, I wish I could go by myself w/the group and not have to be a mthr tomorrow – but – I could never have gone and just said to him, "Well, sorry, you have to stay behind." And in the end, I think it will be very, very good for us to have experienced the performance together – as a bond, and as something we can talk about for months and years to come. We will also all be keeping our eyes open for ideas for use in our own performance as a Demo Team. We are currently creating a new performance for this year. Part of the performance, the breaking routine, is already in place, and we will perform it as part of a two demonstration for two groups of public school program karate students and their parents. We, the Beauty, will do our usual breaking of a stack of concrete patio blocks w/a palm down strike; and we will also be one of five students to hold cups for our Master to strike w/nunchuks – we will hold two cups, one in each hand, for him to swing down and up at, striking one on each swing. It’s fun to hold the cups and have him swing the nunchuks and *not* be afraid at all – because we know he will not get us. (He did accidentally get us a just little bit today because he was using a new pair that he wasn’t used to – and we were proud to be able and willing to stand up to the rigors of martial arts activities.) Anyway. We will be gone all day and way into the early morning hours, because the show will not be over until probably after ten, and then we have to drive home for three or four hours. Well, we aren’t doing the driving – we couldn’t manage that – but the teacher is, and also another student – someone our age. So by the time we are home, we will be wiped out, and then the next day is Sunday, which is full of obligations for us – which we may or may not be able to attend to this week. So part of the point of this is to say we are happy to be going, and part is to say that we will not be able to write for a little while. But probably not necessary to say because it is kind of vain to think that someone would wonder . . . Wishing everyone a joyous time, meanwhile, if possible – peace, at the very least, and if not that, then a sense of possibility for a quest for peace, for a piece of dry land to rest on, whatever is possible . . . Best to you all – Beauty. — To email me, remove "nospam" from my address.
Response:
this is so wonderful to know. you have deserved recognition for a long time and it is right you get it in such an appropriate way. and i understand so much the desire to go on the trip as an independent adult and the knowledge that this is a wonderful gift to share with you son. i think that there are times when this is one of the most fundamental dilemmas of parenthood. fwiw beauty, we think of you often. even when there is no ability to reach out to anyone in any way, the ppl we care about are in the thoughts and caring. so whether we are able to signify your presence it is always real and important to us. please have a wonderful and safe trip. b. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hello all – Tomorrow early I am leaving for an all day trip w/my karate teacher and a select group of black belts whom he feels have contributed to the school – he is giving us a thank you present. We are going to Atlantic City to see a performance by the Shao Lin monks – the ancient originators of the original Eastern hand-to-hand martial arts, from which all other Eastern forms derive. I have seen a tape of the performance – it is truly breathtaking, and I can only imagine how powerful it will be to actually be in the presence of these incredible masters. I am so grateful for the gift, and it feels so very good to be acknowledged as having contributed, and to be thanked in this way. I am also taking my son along (I am paying his way), because it is such a rare opportunity and we may never again have the chance to see these martial artists. In many ways, I wish I could go by myself w/the group and not have to be a mthr tomorrow – but – I could never have gone and just said to him, "Well, sorry, you have to stay behind." And in the end, I think it will be very, very good for us to have experienced the performance together – as a bond, and as something we can talk about for months and years to come. We will also all be keeping our eyes open for ideas for use in our own performance as a Demo Team. We are currently creating a new performance for this year. Part of the performance, the breaking routine, is already in place, and we will perform it as part of a two demonstration for two groups of public school program karate students and their parents. We, the Beauty, will do our usual breaking of a stack of concrete patio blocks w/a palm down strike; and we will also be one of five students to hold cups for our Master to strike w/nunchuks – we will hold two cups, one in each hand, for him to swing down and up at, striking one on each swing. It’s fun to hold the cups and have him swing the nunchuks and *not* be afraid at all – because we know he will not get us. (He did accidentally get us a just little bit today because he was using a new pair that he wasn’t used to – and we were proud to be able and willing to stand up to the rigors of martial arts activities.) Anyway. We will be gone all day and way into the early morning hours, because the show will not be over until probably after ten, and then we have to drive home for three or four hours. Well, we aren’t doing the driving – we couldn’t manage that – but the teacher is, and also another student – someone our age. So by the time we are home, we will be wiped out, and then the next day is Sunday, which is full of obligations for us – which we may or may not be able to attend to this week. So part of the point of this is to say we are happy to be going, and part is to say that we will not be able to write for a little while. But probably not necessary to say because it is kind of vain to think that someone would wonder . . . Wishing everyone a joyous time, meanwhile, if possible – peace, at the very least, and if not that, then a sense of possibility for a quest for peace, for a piece of dry land to rest on, whatever is possible . . . Best to you all – Beauty. — To email me, remove "nospam" from my address.
– I am a community of no less than a thousand. I am not an I. I am a country of persons. -Nuruddin Farah
Response:
Yeah, well, timing. We may be going into a bit of a dark period, too, again, it’s not clear. Yesterday was good, by the way. Beauty. — To email me, remove "nospam" from my address. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – thanks for letting us know, beauty. heh – just ignore the 3 long emails that i just finished sending to you….. Jen for dyenths :-) Hello all – Tomorrow early I am leaving for an all day trip w/my karate teacher and a select group of black belts whom he feels have contributed to the school – he is giving us a thank you present. We are going to Atlantic City to see a performance by the Shao Lin monks – the ancient originators of the original Eastern hand-to-hand martial arts, from which all other Eastern forms derive. I have seen a tape of the performance – it is truly breathtaking, and I can only imagine how powerful it will be to actually be in the presence of these incredible masters. I am so grateful for the gift, and it feels so very good to be acknowledged as having contributed, and to be thanked in this way. I am also taking my son along (I am paying his way), because it is such a rare opportunity and we may never again have the chance to see these martial artists. In many ways, I wish I could go by myself w/the group and not have to be a mthr tomorrow – but – I could never have gone and just said to him, "Well, sorry, you have to stay behind." And in the end, I think it will be very, very good for us to have experienced the performance together – as a bond, and as something we can talk about for months and years to come. We will also all be keeping our eyes open for ideas for use in our own performance as a Demo Team. We are currently creating a new performance for this year. Part of the performance, the breaking routine, is already in place, and we will perform it as part of a two demonstration for two groups of public school program karate students and their parents. We, the Beauty, will do our usual breaking of a stack of concrete patio blocks w/a palm down strike; and we will also be one of five students to hold cups for our Master to strike w/nunchuks – we will hold two cups, one in each hand, for him to swing down and up at, striking one on each swing. It’s fun to hold the cups and have him swing the nunchuks and *not* be afraid at all – because we know he will not get us. (He did accidentally get us a just little bit today because he was using a new pair that he wasn’t used to – and we were proud to be able and willing to stand up to the rigors of martial arts activities.) Anyway. We will be gone all day and way into the early morning hours, because the show will not be over until probably after ten, and then we have to drive home for three or four hours. Well, we aren’t doing the driving – we couldn’t manage that – but the teacher is, and also another student – someone our age. So by the time we are home, we will be wiped out, and then the next day is Sunday, which is full of obligations for us – which we may or may not be able to attend to this week. So part of the point of this is to say we are happy to be going, and part is to say that we will not be able to write for a little while. But probably not necessary to say because it is kind of vain to think that someone would wonder . . . Wishing everyone a joyous time, meanwhile, if possible – peace, at the very least, and if not that, then a sense of possibility for a quest for peace, for a piece of dry land to rest on, whatever is possible . . . Best to you all – Beauty. — To email me, remove "nospam" from my address.
Response:
Hi Dayzie – It was a good day, all kinds of ways. Thank you. Tell more in separate post, maybe. Thanks again – Beauty. — To email me, remove "nospam" from my address. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – How’d it go Beauty? Hope you’re having a good time and learning and in awe and that plans go smoothly. Congrat’s on the gift and see ya’s soon. ) Dayzie Hello all – Tomorrow early I am leaving for an all day trip w/my karate teacher and a select group of black belts whom he feels have contributed to the school – he is giving us a thank you present. We are going to Atlantic City to see a performance by the Shao Lin monks – the ancient originators of the original Eastern hand-to-hand martial arts, from which all other Eastern forms derive. I have seen a tape of the performance – it is truly breathtaking, and I can only imagine how powerful it will be to actually be in the presence of these incredible masters. I am so grateful for the gift, and it feels so very good to be acknowledged as having contributed, and to be thanked in this way. I am also taking my son along (I am paying his way), because it is such a rare opportunity and we may never again have the chance to see these martial artists. In many ways, I wish I could go by myself w/the group and not have to be a mthr tomorrow – but – I could never have gone and just said to him, "Well, sorry, you have to stay behind." And in the end, I think it will be very, very good for us to have experienced the performance together – as a bond, and as something we can talk about for months and years to come. We will also all be keeping our eyes open for ideas for use in our own performance as a Demo Team. We are currently creating a new performance for this year. Part of the performance, the breaking routine, is already in place, and we will perform it as part of a two demonstration for two groups of public school program karate students and their parents. We, the Beauty, will do our usual breaking of a stack of concrete patio blocks w/a palm down strike; and we will also be one of five students to hold cups for our Master to strike w/nunchuks – we will hold two cups, one in each hand, for him to swing down and up at, striking one on each swing. It’s fun to hold the cups and have him swing the nunchuks and *not* be afraid at all – because we know he will not get us. (He did accidentally get us a just little bit today because he was using a new pair that he wasn’t used to – and we were proud to be able and willing to stand up to the rigors of martial arts activities.) Anyway. We will be gone all day and way into the early morning hours, because the show will not be over until probably after ten, and then we have to drive home for three or four hours. Well, we aren’t doing the driving – we couldn’t manage that – but the teacher is, and also another student – someone our age. So by the time we are home, we will be wiped out, and then the next day is Sunday, which is full of obligations for us – which we may or may not be able to attend to this week. So part of the point of this is to say we are happy to be going, and part is to say that we will not be able to write for a little while. But probably not necessary to say because it is kind of vain to think that someone would wonder . . . Wishing everyone a joyous time, meanwhile, if possible – peace, at the very least, and if not that, then a sense of possibility for a quest for peace, for a piece of dry land to rest on, whatever is possible . . . Best to you all – Beauty. — To email me, remove "nospam" from my address.
Response:
I really was in an altered state of consciousness during esp. the first half of the evening. Glad there is something of beauty that you can know that esp. touches and moves you. Beauty. — To email me, remove "nospam" from my address. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hello Beauty, I hope you have a good trip, sounds like it will be a lot of fun and fascinating to watch other masters perform their art. My fancy is polynesian dance, so I like to go and see those as they touch a special place within me that no other experience does. Have fun!!! SofT — For info about this service, see http://anon.twwells.com/help/ or e-mail:
Response:
Hello b. – Yes, I know, about the thinking. I think of you, too – you are a part of my world. Thank you for saying that I deserve recognition. That is a kind thing to say. It did feel very good to me. We all did ride together in the van of our teacher, and we all did have fun talks about all kinds of things, hardly any of them about karate, and we laughed. And we played w/walkie talkies on the boardwalk and stuff, so we could keep in contact among small groups that had gone different ways. I note your sensitivity in saying about my ambivalence about going w/my son – but in the end, I was so very, very glad to have had the experience w/him. Here are a couple of reasons why: well, for one thing, I fit in w/him better than w/the others, even though the others are adults and/or late teenagers. There was the teacher and a guy my age, and they hung out in the casinos (not at all my interest, for all kinds of reasons); and then there were three younger guys who hang out together, and two of them are kind of my buddies too (and the third one I have an edgy kind of attempt at amicability with) – the two are the ones I work out with sometimes in the mornings – but these three eventually would rather, and did, ditch my son and me, because he and I needed to sit down and have something to drink, and I don’t know what the guys wanted to do that they needed us out of the way for. So my son and I went back down the boardwalk in the dark and rain alone – but it didn’t occur to me until afterward to be a little miffed about the possible danger in them leaving us that way. They did call us on the walkie talkies a couple of times to see where we were, so I guess they were trying to make sure we were okay. But anyway, when we got back to where we were going to see the monks, and we were waiting for our teacher and the other guy, the five of us were kind of taking turns going in this direction and that – but still, it was like – my son and I were a unit and the three of them were a unit, and it was like, they’d rather not be too attached to me: like, did they think someone would think I was their mother or something? Anyhow, at one point, my son said to me: "Would you be lonely if you didn’t have me here with you?" I am only realizing now why he said it – I think he saw that we were being pushed to one side, and he was wondering where and how I would have fit myself in if he hadn’t been along. But it felt very tender, and it isn’t often that he wants to know from me that I want and need his company. And I said, very truthfully, and w/much emphasis, "You know, if I had not been able to bring you, I would not have come. I would have stayed at home. There is no way I would have said to you – well, see you later – I’m off to see the Sh*olin monks." He looked at me w/out saying anything, but I could see that was a surprise to him, and I think it meant something to him. And then when we were in the auditorium watching, it turned out that he could not see over the people ahead of us – the seats were flat on the floor, not on a rise, and even though we were only four rows back, we were seated all the way to one side in a section which had been set up so far to one side of the stage that about 1/3 of the view of the stage was blocked. So anyhow, I got my son to sit on my lap, which lifted him enough to see over the heads of the people in front, and it was really, really nice having him there, sitting on my lap. You don’t get a ten year old to sit on your lap very easily, and you don’t get to snug your arms around his waist and smell his hair and stuff, and even give him little k*sses, just like when he was smaller. So it was so nice. And it turned out that it was a nice thing to have had him with me after all. And there was one magic moment when we were inside one of the casino lobbies, swerving in through the casino to get out of the rain: the casino is all done up to look like an old Western town – and inside one rotunda was a huge waterfall and river, under a dome painted like the sky, with projections on it of the moon at night, and special effects to make a storm come and stuff – and there was a mine shaft and a gold miner and a mule and a cactus and a vulture that talked and the mule moved its ears and head and blinked its eyes and you could throw pennies to make a wish and try to hit the miner’s pan (he was moving it) or the mule’s bucket – and all of a sudden, our son did get a penny in the bucket – smack in – and "Hee haw, hee haw," the mule started to bray and flick his tail and the miner started to talk and this whole thing happened with the storm and everything, all because my son had gotten the penny to go into the bucket. My son is always having magic things happen to him, once he found a four leaf clover the first time he ever looked, the first time he ever heard of one, just by stooping down. We think the whole casino thing is obsc*ne, of course, but sometimes the universe uses even otherwise obsc*ne vehicles to create transcendent moments. Okay, thanks for all the listening to my rambling thoughts – Beauty. — To email me, remove "nospam" from my address. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – this is so wonderful to know. you have deserved recognition for a long time and it is right you get it in such an appropriate way. and i understand so much the desire to go on the trip as an independent adult and the knowledge that this is a wonderful gift to share with you son. i think that there are times when this is one of the most fundamental dilemmas of parenthood. fwiw beauty, we think of you often. even when there is no ability to reach out to anyone in any way, the ppl we care about are in the thoughts and caring. so whether we are able to signify your presence it is always real and important to us. please have a wonderful and safe trip. b. Hello all – Tomorrow early I am leaving for an all day trip w/my karate teacher and a select group of black belts whom he feels have contributed to the school – he is giving us a thank you present. We are going to Atlantic City to see a performance by the Shao Lin monks – the ancient originators of the original Eastern hand-to-hand martial arts, from which all other Eastern forms derive. I have seen a tape of the performance – it is truly breathtaking, and I can only imagine how powerful it will be to actually be in the presence of these incredible masters. I am so grateful for the gift, and it feels so very good to be acknowledged as having contributed, and to be thanked in this way. I am also taking my son along (I am paying his way), because it is such a rare opportunity and we may never again have the chance to see these martial artists. In many ways, I wish I could go by myself w/the group and not have to be a mthr tomorrow – but – I could never have gone and just said to him, "Well, sorry, you have to stay behind." And in the end, I think it will be very, very good for us to have experienced the performance together – as a bond, and as something we can talk about for months and years to come. We will also all be keeping our eyes open for ideas for use in our own performance as a Demo Team. We are currently creating a new performance for this year. Part of the performance, the breaking routine, is already in place, and we will perform it as part of a two demonstration for two groups of public school program karate students and their parents. We, the Beauty, will do our usual breaking of a stack of concrete patio blocks w/a palm down strike; and we will also be one of five students to hold cups for our Master to strike w/nunchuks – we will hold two cups, one in each hand, for him to swing down and up at, striking one on each swing. It’s fun to hold the cups and have him swing the nunchuks and *not* be afraid at all – because we know he will not get us. (He did accidentally get us a just little bit today because he was using a new pair that he wasn’t used to – and we were proud to be able and willing to stand up to the rigors of martial arts activities.) Anyway. We will be gone all day and way into the early morning hours, because the show will not be over until probably after ten, and then we have to drive home for three or four hours. Well, we aren’t doing the driving – we couldn’t manage that – but the teacher is, and also another student – someone our age. So by the time we are home, we will be wiped out, and then the next day is Sunday, which is full of obligations for us – which we may or may not be able to attend to this week. So part of the point of this is to say we are happy to be going, and part is to say that we will not be able to write for a little while. But probably not necessary to say because it is kind of vain to think that someone would wonder . . . Wishing everyone a joyous time, meanwhile, if possible – peace, at the very least, and if not that, then a sense of possibility for a quest for peace, for a piece of dry land to rest on, whatever is possible . . . Best to you all – Beauty. — To email me, remove "nospam" from my address. — I am a community of no less than a thousand. I am not an I. I am a country of persons. -Nuruddin Farah
Response:
Beauty, i’m glad that you and your son got to go and that the trip went well overall. 
i’m glad that your teacher gave you the trip to thank you and to recognize your contributions. :-) i think you deserved it and i also think it was kind of your teacher. fwiw, maybe the groups would have been different if your son wasn’t there, although who knows how things would have turned out. i’m glad that you got to spend the wonderful moments at the miner display at the casino and sitting with your son in your lap. thanks for sharing your trip. e – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hello b. – Yes, I know, about the thinking. I think of you, too – you are a part of my world. Thank you for saying that I deserve recognition. That is a kind thing to say. It did feel very good to me. We all did ride together in the van of our teacher, and we all did have fun talks about all kinds of things, hardly any of them about karate, and we laughed. And we played w/walkie talkies on the boardwalk and stuff, so we could keep in contact among small groups that had gone different ways. I note your sensitivity in saying about my ambivalence about going w/my son – but in the end, I was so very, very glad to have had the experience w/him. Here are a couple of reasons why: well, for one thing, I fit in w/him better than w/the others, even though the others are adults and/or late teenagers. There was the teacher and a guy my age, and they hung out in the casinos (not at all my interest, for all kinds of reasons); and then there were three younger guys who hang out together, and two of them are kind of my buddies too (and the third one I have an edgy kind of attempt at amicability with) – the two are the ones I work out with sometimes in the mornings – but these three eventually would rather, and did, ditch my son and me, because he and I needed to sit down and have something to drink, and I don’t know what the guys wanted to do that they needed us out of the way for. So my son and I went back down the boardwalk in the dark and rain alone – but it didn’t occur to me until afterward to be a little miffed about the possible danger in them leaving us that way. They did call us on the walkie talkies a couple of times to see where we were, so I guess they were trying to make sure we were okay. But anyway, when we got back to where we were going to see the monks, and we were waiting for our teacher and the other guy, the five of us were kind of taking turns going in this direction and that – but still, it was like – my son and I were a unit and the three of them were a unit, and it was like, they’d rather not be too attached to me: like, did they think someone would think I was their mother or something? Anyhow, at one point, my son said to me: "Would you be lonely if you didn’t have me here with you?" I am only realizing now why he said it – I think he saw that we were being pushed to one side, and he was wondering where and how I would have fit myself in if he hadn’t been along. But it felt very tender, and it isn’t often that he wants to know from me that I want and need his company. And I said, very truthfully, and w/much emphasis, "You know, if I had not been able to bring you, I would not have come. I would have stayed at home. There is no way I would have said to you – well, see you later – I’m off to see the Sh*olin monks." He looked at me w/out saying anything, but I could see that was a surprise to him, and I think it meant something to him. And then when we were in the auditorium watching, it turned out that he could not see over the people ahead of us – the seats were flat on the floor, not on a rise, and even though we were only four rows back, we were seated all the way to one side in a section which had been set up so far to one side of the stage that about 1/3 of the view of the stage was blocked. So anyhow, I got my son to sit on my lap, which lifted him enough to see over the heads of the people in front, and it was really, really nice having him there, sitting on my lap. You don’t get a ten year old to sit on your lap very easily, and you don’t get to snug your arms around his waist and smell his hair and stuff, and even give him little k*sses, just like when he was smaller. So it was so nice. And it turned out that it was a nice thing to have had him with me after all. And there was one magic moment when we were inside one of the casino lobbies, swerving in through the casino to get out of the rain: the casino is all done up to look like an old Western town – and inside one rotunda was a huge waterfall and river, under a dome painted like the sky, with projections on it of the moon at night, and special effects to make a storm come and stuff – and there was a mine shaft and a gold miner and a mule and a cactus and a vulture that talked and the mule moved its ears and head and blinked its eyes and you could throw pennies to make a wish and try to hit the miner’s pan (he was moving it) or the mule’s bucket – and all of a sudden, our son did get a penny in the bucket – smack in – and "Hee haw, hee haw," the mule started to bray and flick his tail and the miner started to talk and this whole thing happened with the storm and everything, all because my son had gotten the penny to go into the bucket. My son is always having magic things happen to him, once he found a four leaf clover the first time he ever looked, the first time he ever heard of one, just by stooping down. We think the whole casino thing is obsc*ne, of course, but sometimes the universe uses even otherwise obsc*ne vehicles to create transcendent moments. Okay, thanks for all the listening to my rambling thoughts – Beauty.
Response:
see between… Hello b. – Yes, I know, about the thinking. I think of you, too – you are a part of my world.
that is most gracious of you to say. i wish i were better able to be a more consistent and responsive part of your world but i also wish i could be that to myself and other friends as well. it is part of the work of healing, i guess. Thank you for saying that I deserve recognition. That is a kind thing to say.
it was said as a true thing. you deserve recognition for the consistent hard work and persistence in the face of so many invisible but real walls you bump up against there. to have continued to work for yourself and your goal despite physical pain and all the demands of your life and the lack of unfettered support by the teacher. that is a lot to deal with and maintain working toward your goal. you deserve to be seen for the strength you have shown. It did feel very good to me. We all did ride together in the van of our teacher, and we all did have fun talks about all kinds of things, hardly any of them about karate, and we laughed. And we played w/walkie talkies on the boardwalk and stuff, so we could keep in contact among small groups that had gone different ways. I note your sensitivity in saying about my ambivalence about going w/my son – but in the end, I was so very, very glad to have had the experience w/him. Here are a couple of reasons why: well, for one thing, I fit in w/him better than w/the others, even though the others are adults and/or late teenagers.
i am tired but wanted to say that i really liked reading your experience and i am so happy that the sharing with you son happened. those times are such a gift. truly more than any trip or any material thing, the times of sharing with someone you love makes all the other hard times livable. b. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – There was the teacher and a guy my age, and they hung out in the casinos (not at all my interest, for all kinds of reasons); and then there were three younger guys who hang out together, and two of them are kind of my buddies too (and the third one I have an edgy kind of attempt at amicability with) – the two are the ones I work out with sometimes in the mornings – but these three eventually would rather, and did, ditch my son and me, because he and I needed to sit down and have something to drink, and I don’t know what the guys wanted to do that they needed us out of the way for. So my son and I went back down the boardwalk in the dark and rain alone – but it didn’t occur to me until afterward to be a little miffed about the possible danger in them leaving us that way. They did call us on the walkie talkies a couple of times to see where we were, so I guess they were trying to make sure we were okay. But anyway, when we got back to where we were going to see the monks, and we were waiting for our teacher and the other guy, the five of us were kind of taking turns going in this direction and that – but still, it was like – my son and I were a unit and the three of them were a unit, and it was like, they’d rather not be too attached to me: like, did they think someone would think I was their mother or something? Anyhow, at one point, my son said to me: "Would you be lonely if you didn’t have me here with you?" I am only realizing now why he said it – I think he saw that we were being pushed to one side, and he was wondering where and how I would have fit myself in if he hadn’t been along. But it felt very tender, and it isn’t often that he wants to know from me that I want and need his company. And I said, very truthfully, and w/much emphasis, "You know, if I had not been able to bring you, I would not have come. I would have stayed at home. There is no way I would have said to you – well, see you later – I’m off to see the Sh*olin monks." He looked at me w/out saying anything, but I could see that was a surprise to him, and I think it meant something to him. And then when we were in the auditorium watching, it turned out that he could not see over the people ahead of us – the seats were flat on the floor, not on a rise, and even though we were only four rows back, we were seated all the way to one side in a section which had been set up so far to one side of the stage that about 1/3 of the view of the stage was blocked. So anyhow, I got my son to sit on my lap, which lifted him enough to see over the heads of the people in front, and it was really, really nice having him there, sitting on my lap. You don’t get a ten year old to sit on your lap very easily, and you don’t get to snug your arms around his waist and smell his hair and stuff, and even give him little k*sses, just like when he was smaller. So it was so nice. And it turned out that it was a nice thing to have had him with me after all. And there was one magic moment when we were inside one of the casino lobbies, swerving in through the casino to get out of the rain: the casino is all done up to look like an old Western town – and inside one rotunda was a huge waterfall and river, under a dome painted like the sky, with projections on it of the moon at night, and special effects to make a storm come and stuff – and there was a mine shaft and a gold miner and a mule and a cactus and a vulture that talked and the mule moved its ears and head and blinked its eyes and you could throw pennies to make a wish and try to hit the miner’s pan (he was moving it) or the mule’s bucket – and all of a sudden, our son did get a penny in the bucket – smack in – and "Hee haw, hee haw," the mule started to bray and flick his tail and the miner started to talk and this whole thing happened with the storm and everything, all because my son had gotten the penny to go into the bucket. My son is always having magic things happen to him, once he found a four leaf clover the first time he ever looked, the first time he ever heard of one, just by stooping down. We think the whole casino thing is obsc*ne, of course, but sometimes the universe uses even otherwise obsc*ne vehicles to create transcendent moments. Okay, thanks for all the listening to my rambling thoughts – Beauty. — To email me, remove "nospam" from my address. this is so wonderful to know. you have deserved recognition for a long time and it is right you get it in such an appropriate way. and i understand so much the desire to go on the trip as an independent adult and the knowledge that this is a wonderful gift to share with you son. i think that there are times when this is one of the most fundamental dilemmas of parenthood. fwiw beauty, we think of you often. even when there is no ability to reach out to anyone in any way, the ppl we care about are in the thoughts and caring. so whether we are able to signify your presence it is always real and important to us. please have a wonderful and safe trip. b. Hello all – Tomorrow early I am leaving for an all day trip w/my karate teacher and a select group of black belts whom he feels have contributed to the school – he is giving us a thank you present. We are going to Atlantic City to see a performance by the Shao Lin monks – the ancient originators of the original Eastern hand-to-hand martial arts, from which all other Eastern forms derive. I have seen a tape of the performance – it is truly breathtaking, and I can only imagine how powerful it will be to actually be in the presence of these incredible masters. I am so grateful for the gift, and it feels so very good to be acknowledged as having contributed, and to be thanked in this way. I am also taking my son along (I am paying his way), because it is such a rare opportunity and we may never again have the chance to see these martial artists. In many ways, I wish I could go by myself w/the group and not have to be a mthr tomorrow – but – I could never have gone and just said to him, "Well, sorry, you have to stay behind." And in the end, I think it will be very, very good for us to have experienced the performance together – as a bond, and as something we can talk about for months and years to come. We will also all be keeping our eyes open for ideas for use in our own performance as a Demo Team. We are currently creating a new performance for this year. Part of the performance, the breaking routine, is already in place, and we will perform it as part of a two demonstration for two groups of public school program karate students and their parents. We, the Beauty, will do our usual breaking of a stack of concrete patio blocks w/a palm down strike; and we will also be one of five students to hold cups for our Master to strike w/nunchuks – we will hold two cups, one in each hand, for him to swing down and up at, striking one on each swing. It’s fun to hold the cups and have him swing the nunchuks and *not* be afraid at all – because we know he will not get us. (He did accidentally get us a just little bit today because he was using a new pair that he wasn’t used to – and we were proud to be able and willing to stand up to the rigors of martial arts activities.) Anyway. We will be gone all day and way into the early morning hours, because the show will not be over until probably after ten, and then we have to drive home for three or four hours. Well, we aren’t doing the driving – we couldn’t manage that – but the teacher is, and also another student – someone our age. So
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Response:
Dear b. – Once more to back and forth here – — To email me, remove "nospam" from my address. see between… Hello b. – Yes, I know, about the thinking. I think of you, too – you are a part of my world. that is most gracious of you to say. i wish i were better able to be a more consistent and responsive part of your world but i also wish i could be that to myself and other friends as well. it is part of the work of healing, i guess.
That seems a gentle way of saying, for yourself – I like how you are seeming to be in a better way w/yourself recently. But – you *are* a part of my world, too – that’s mostly what I meant when I said that I know about the thinking. I am aware of your awareness. Really. And it’s enough. Remember what I said about absolutes? In friendship, there are no measures. Thank you for saying that I deserve recognition. That is a kind thing to say. it was said as a true thing. you deserve recognition for the consistent hard work and persistence in the face of so many invisible but real walls you bump up against there. to have continued to work for yourself and your goal despite physical pain and all the demands of your life and the lack of unfettered support by the teacher. that is a lot to deal with and maintain working toward your goal. you deserve to be seen for the strength you have shown.
Thank you again for recognizing the more than just the pain thing – thank you for hearing and remembering and affirming some of the interpersonal and institutional struggles that I have had there. Yet things have gotten better, as regards my teacher. I think he has realized some things, too – I think he may have done some growing. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – It did feel very good to me. We all did ride together in the van of our teacher, and we all did have fun talks about all kinds of things, hardly any of them about karate, and we laughed. And we played w/walkie talkies on the boardwalk and stuff, so we could keep in contact among small groups that had gone different ways. I note your sensitivity in saying about my ambivalence about going w/my son – but in the end, I was so very, very glad to have had the experience w/him. Here are a couple of reasons why: well, for one thing, I fit in w/him better than w/the others, even though the others are adults and/or late teenagers. i am tired but wanted to say that i really liked reading your experience
I am really glad about that. and i am so happy that the sharing with you son happened.
Thank you. those times are such a gift. truly more than any trip or any material thing, the times of sharing with someone you love makes all the other hard times livable.
Sigh. Yes. Wanting more . . . . . . . . . (I mean, not counting reading w/my son tonight and having him want to take parts in a play script w/me, and having him show me his drawings, and, and, and, and . . . . .) I loved reading about the furkids, too – you are giving a wonderful gift in writing about them for us, and giving a glimpse into a special part of your life. We were wondering, does anyone ever use electric water fountains for ferrets? Did you ever see the kind we mean, that you can get in pet stores, I think? Thank you for writing – Beauty. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – b. There was the teacher and a guy my age, and they hung out in the casinos (not at all my interest, for all kinds of reasons); and then there were three younger guys who hang out together, and two of them are kind of my buddies too (and the third one I have an edgy kind of attempt at amicability with) – the two are the ones I work out with sometimes in the mornings – but these three eventually would rather, and did, ditch my son and me, because he and I needed to sit down and have something to drink, and I don’t know what the guys wanted to do that they needed us out of the way for. So my son and I went back down the boardwalk in the dark and rain alone – but it didn’t occur to me until afterward to be a little miffed about the possible danger in them leaving us that way. They did call us on the walkie talkies a couple of times to see where we were, so I guess they were trying to make sure we were okay. But anyway, when we got back to where we were going to see the monks, and we were waiting for our teacher and the other guy, the five of us were kind of taking turns going in this direction and that – but still, it was like – my son and I were a unit and the three of them were a unit, and it was like, they’d rather not be too attached to me: like, did they think someone would think I was their mother or something? Anyhow, at one point, my son said to me: "Would you be lonely if you didn’t have me here with you?" I am only realizing now why he said it – I think he saw that we were being pushed to one side, and he was wondering where and how I would have fit myself in if he hadn’t been along. But it felt very tender, and it isn’t often that he wants to know from me that I want and need his company. And I said, very truthfully, and w/much emphasis, "You know, if I had not been able to bring you, I would not have come. I would have stayed at home. There is no way I would have said to you – well, see you later – I’m off to see the Sh*olin monks." He looked at me w/out saying anything, but I could see that was a surprise to him, and I think it meant something to him. And then when we were in the auditorium watching, it turned out that he could not see over the people ahead of us – the seats were flat on the floor, not on a rise, and even though we were only four rows back, we were seated all the way to one side in a section which had been set up so far to one side of the stage that about 1/3 of the view of the stage was blocked. So anyhow, I got my son to sit on my lap, which lifted him enough to see over the heads of the people in front, and it was really, really nice having him there, sitting on my lap. You don’t get a ten year old to sit on your lap very easily, and you don’t get to snug your arms around his waist and smell his hair and stuff, and even give him little k*sses, just like when he was smaller. So it was so nice. And it turned out that it was a nice thing to have had him with me after all. And there was one magic moment when we were inside one of the casino lobbies, swerving in through the casino to get out of the rain: the casino is all done up to look like an old Western town – and inside one rotunda was a huge waterfall and river, under a dome painted like the sky, with projections on it of the moon at night, and special effects to make a storm come and stuff – and there was a mine shaft and a gold miner and a mule and a cactus and a vulture that talked and the mule moved its ears and head and blinked its eyes and you could throw pennies to make a wish and try to hit the miner’s pan (he was moving it) or the mule’s bucket – and all of a sudden, our son did get a penny in the bucket – smack in – and "Hee haw, hee haw," the mule started to bray and flick his tail and the miner started to talk and this whole thing happened with the storm and everything, all because my son had gotten the penny to go into the bucket. My son is always having magic things happen to him, once he found a four leaf clover the first time he ever looked, the first time he ever heard of one, just by stooping down. We think the whole casino thing is obsc*ne, of course, but sometimes the universe uses even otherwise obsc*ne vehicles to create transcendent moments. Okay, thanks for all the listening to my rambling thoughts – Beauty. — To email me, remove "nospam" from my address. this is so wonderful to know. you have deserved recognition for a long time and it is right you get it in such an appropriate way. and i understand so much the desire to go on the trip as an independent adult and the knowledge that this is a wonderful gift to share with you son. i think that there are times when this is one of the most fundamental dilemmas of parenthood. fwiw beauty, we think of you often. even when there is no ability to reach out to anyone in any way, the ppl we care about are in the thoughts and caring. so whether we are able to signify your presence it is always real and important to us. please have a wonderful and safe trip. b. Hello all – Tomorrow early I am leaving for an all day trip w/my karate teacher and a select group of black belts whom he feels have contributed to the school – he is giving us a thank you present. We are going to Atlantic City to see a performance by the Shao Lin monks – the ancient originators of the original Eastern hand-to-hand martial arts, from which all other Eastern forms derive. I have seen a tape of the performance – it is truly breathtaking, and I can only imagine how powerful it will be to actually be in the presence of these incredible masters. I am so grateful for the gift, and it feels so very good to be acknowledged as having contributed, and to be thanked in this way. I am also taking my son along (I am paying his way), because it is such a rare opportunity and we may never again have the chance to see these martial artists. In many ways, I wish I
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Response:
Thanks, e – Yeah, things would have shaken out entirely differently w/out my son there – but I was glad he asked his question. It made me think carefully about how glad I was that he *was* there after all. Beauty. — To email me, remove "nospam" from my address. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Beauty, i’m glad that you and your son got to go and that the trip went well overall. i’m glad that your teacher gave you the trip to thank you and to recognize your contributions. :-) i think you deserved it and i also think it was kind of your teacher. fwiw, maybe the groups would have been different if your son wasn’t there, although who knows how things would have turned out. i’m glad that you got to spend the wonderful moments at the miner display at the casino and sitting with your son in your lap. thanks for sharing your trip. e
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hello b. – Yes, I know, about the thinking. I think of you, too – you are a part of my world. Thank you for saying that I deserve recognition. That is a kind thing to say. It did feel very good to me. We all did ride together in the van of our teacher, and we all did have fun talks about all kinds of things, hardly any of them about karate, and we laughed. And we played w/walkie talkies on the boardwalk and stuff, so we could keep in contact among small groups that had gone different ways. I note your sensitivity in saying about my ambivalence about going w/my son – but in the end, I was so very, very glad to have had the experience w/him. Here are a couple of reasons why: well, for one thing, I fit in w/him better than w/the others, even though the others are adults and/or late teenagers. There was the teacher and a guy my age, and they hung out in the casinos (not at all my interest, for all kinds of reasons); and then there were three younger guys who hang out together, and two of them are kind of my buddies too (and the third one I have an edgy kind of attempt at amicability with) – the two are the ones I work out with sometimes in the mornings – but these three eventually would rather, and did, ditch my son and me, because he and I needed to sit down and have something to drink, and I don’t know what the guys wanted to do that they needed us out of the way for. So my son and I went back down the boardwalk in the dark and rain alone – but it didn’t occur to me until afterward to be a little miffed about the possible danger in them leaving us that way. They did call us on the walkie talkies a couple of times to see where we were, so I guess they were trying to make sure we were okay. But anyway, when we got back to where we were going to see the monks, and we were waiting for our teacher and the other guy, the five of us were kind of taking turns going in this direction and that – but still, it was like – my son and I were a unit and the three of them were a unit, and it was like, they’d rather not be too attached to me: like, did they think someone would think I was their mother or something? Anyhow, at one point, my son said to me: "Would you be lonely if you didn’t have me here with you?" I am only realizing now why he said it – I think he saw that we were being pushed to one side, and he was wondering where and how I would have fit myself in if he hadn’t been along. But it felt very tender, and it isn’t often that he wants to know from me that I want and need his company. And I said, very truthfully, and w/much emphasis, "You know, if I had not been able to bring you, I would not have come. I would have stayed at home. There is no way I would have said to you – well, see you later – I’m off to see the Sh*olin monks." He looked at me w/out saying anything, but I could see that was a surprise to him, and I think it meant something to him. And then when we were in the auditorium watching, it turned out that he could not see over the people ahead of us – the seats were flat on the floor, not on a rise, and even though we were only four rows back, we were seated all the way to one side in a section which had been set up so far to one side of the stage that about 1/3 of the view of the stage was blocked. So anyhow, I got my son to sit on my lap, which lifted him enough to see over the heads of the people in front, and it was really, really nice having him there, sitting on my lap. You don’t get a ten year old to sit on your lap very easily, and you don’t get to snug your arms around his waist and smell his hair and stuff, and even give him little k*sses, just like when he was smaller. So it was so nice. And it turned out that it was a nice thing to have had him with me after all. And there was one magic moment when we were inside one of the casino lobbies, swerving in through the casino to get out of the rain: the casino is all done up to look like an old Western town – and inside one rotunda was a huge waterfall and river, under a dome painted like the sky, with projections on it of the moon at night, and special effects to make a storm come and stuff – and there was a mine shaft and a gold miner and a mule and a cactus and a vulture that talked and the mule moved its ears and head and blinked its eyes and you could throw pennies to make a wish and try to hit the miner’s pan (he was moving it) or the mule’s bucket – and all of a sudden, our son did get a penny in the bucket – smack in – and "Hee haw, hee haw," the mule started to bray and flick his tail and the miner started to talk and this whole thing happened with the storm and everything, all because my son had gotten the penny to go into the bucket. My son is always having magic things happen to him, once he found a four leaf clover the first time he ever looked, the first time he ever heard of one, just by stooping down. We think the whole casino thing is obsc*ne, of course, but sometimes the universe uses even otherwise obsc*ne vehicles to create transcendent moments. Okay, thanks for all the listening to my rambling thoughts – Beauty.
Response: